Dear Ellen:
I am a senior in college and I’m feeling excited (and a little bit nervous) about my next steps. I know that my parents are excited for me, too — but their constant questions are making me anxious.
Everywhere I turn, someone is asking me what I am going to do when I graduate. My parents, my aunts and uncles, my professors, my friends — everybody wants to know what my “plan” is. How I am going to “change the world.”
The truth is, I don’t want to change the world. I just want to make jewelry. My dream is to open a small studio and sell my jewelry on Etsy and in local stores and farmers’ markets.
I feel terrible that my parents spent all this money on college and all I want to do is make necklaces and earrings. I’ve shared a few hints about my jewelry shop dream with my parents, and I can tell they’re not impressed. I think they’re hoping I’ll “grow up” and start focusing on a “real job.”
The next time somebody asks, “What’s your plan after college?” … should I tell the truth? Or keep pretending like I’m aiming for some big, fancy, change-the-world career? I feel like I’m letting everybody down, and the whole thing is making me sick to my stomach. Please help.
Signed,
Lost and Confused
Dear Lost and Confused,
I totally understand that you must be getting pretty sick and tired of hearing questions like these:
“What’s your plan, after graduation?”
“Do you have an internship lined up?”
“Where are you applying for jobs?”
THE SUBTEXT, OF COURSE, IS:
“What are you DOING with your life? And how are YOU going to change the world?”
Such big questions! Over and over and over. It’s enough to make you want to run for the hills and hide in a cave.
But I’m about to say something that most people wouldn’t dare — and that your parents probably don’t want to hear.
READY? HERE IT COMES:
Not everybody was born to “change the world.” And it’s totally OK if you don’t want to. Not everybody was born to be a lawyer, an activist, a legendary educator, or a life-saving doctor. Not everybody was born to be the next Mother Teresa or Gandhi.
Some people were born to…
: Write about coffee for other coffee fanatics.
: Play charming music that delights people.
: Teach yoga + take photos of other yogis.
: Open a farm-to-table pizza restaurant.
: Make soft, cotton t-shirts with kind, loving words.
…or, like you, make beautiful jewelry that makes people smile.
The Zen Buddhist scholar Robert Thurman has said: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive — and then go do that.”
You don’t need to solve world hunger or eradicate poverty in order to make money — and make a difference. If you simply do your work with intention and joy, you will be an inspiration to others every single day.
Now…I’m about to say one more thing that most people wouldn’t dare — and that your college career counselor would probably cringe, to read.
READY? HERE IT COMES:
Your greatest passion of all might have nothing to do with your career.
And it’s totally OK if that’s true, for you.
I’ve always been lucky to have fascinating careers + opportunities — working as an attorney fielding death penalty appeals, owning a bakery, running an award-winning garden and floral design company, and later, starting a non profit. I thrive on the challenge of making “something” out of “nothing,” and I’ve loved it all.
But when people ask me about my greatest passion, I always say — without hesitation — that it is motherhood. Being with my children and watching them grow gives me a sense of deep gladness that no career has ever provided, in quite the same way. It is the ONE thing that never fails to make me come alive.
Every year, tens of thousands of college seniors put on cap and gowns and pass through the portal into the next chapter of their lives. So many of them have NO CLUE what they want to do next. You — Lost and Confused — are one of the lucky ones. You actually have a vision. You see a path ahead — however dimly lit. You are NOT really “lost and confused.” You are blessed.
As you march out into the world to carve out your path + choose your work, don’t worry so much about what the world “needs” or how you can make a major dent in history.
INSTEAD, SIMPLY ASK:
What makes me come alive?
Then go do it.
(And…I think you already know exactly how to do it.)
I can’t wait to see your jewelry on the shelves of my favorite shop. I know it’s going to be stunning.
Yours,
Ellen
Image: Willie Franklin.