Dear Ellen,

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve got a job and it pays the bills. I’m grateful for that.

(Well, mostly.)

It’s an OK job, but not a great one. Honestly? If I could afford to quit tomorrow, I would.

I really want to start applying for a better job — one that’s really challenging, and feels meaningful and important. But my current job is so demanding that by the end of the day, all I want to do is whip up a quick dinner, zone out with a TV show and fall asleep.

It feels like “hunting for a job” is another “full-time job” — and I just don’t know how to create the time + energy to do it.

But, I know I’ve got to do something … because I’m feeling so trapped, and I don’t want to spend another year just “treading water” in my current position.

Do you have any advice on how to find a great job — when it feels like there isn’t any time in the day to do it?

Signed,

Exhausted Just Thinking About It

Dear EJTAI,

You are caught in a situation that so many twenty- and thirty-somethings face…and it’s so easy to get into this predicament.

You get out of school and apply for a bunch of jobs that sound perfect for you.

You get hired, start working and quickly realize that your “dream job” is nothing like you hoped it would be. The days are long. You feel bored. You are not being asked to do things that even remotely resemble your passions or skills. Or maybe, you have simply evolved and your interests are different than they once were.

The bottom line is, you are ready for a change. But as you point out, it’s hard to find the time (or energy) to make a big change, when your current job is so draining.

The first thing to remember is that there is no shame in wanting to change course. I have changed careers so many times; my resume resembles the old expression “Butcher. Baker. Candlestick Maker.” OK, I haven’t really tried candlestick making…yet! But you get my point.

The second thing to remember is that changing your job or career is absolutely possible, but it is NOT easy. If it were easy, there wouldn’t be millions of people stuck in jobs they don’t want!

You mentioned that hunting for a new job (while working at your current job) feels like having two full-time jobs. And guess what? You’re right. You are going to have to wake up early, go to bed late and temporarily stop doing the things you love to do in your free time (you can save those Scandal episodes for a once-
in-a-while treat!). But this doubling-up period won’t last forever, and the payoff will be sweet. I guarantee: you will look back at this time and be happy that you made the sacrifices you needed to make.

The third thing to remember – and this is the most important piece of all – is that job hunting is an opportunity for deep self-reflection. This isn’t the time to snap up the next halfway-decent position that comes your way, just to get out of the job that you hate. Invest some time in defining your “best-case scenario” life.

The life that you really, truly want. The ideal arrangement that you’re striving for.

Got no clue what your “ideal life” looks like?

Pam Slim, author of the bestselling book Escape from Cubicle Nation, suggests starting by making a list of where you want to live, if you want to work from home or in an office, your ideal work / life balance, the amount of money you want to make, and so on. Just practical, grounded desires. The more specific you can be, the better.

Motivational speaker, entrepreneur and blogger Danielle LaPorte, takes a less linear approach. She suggests that you focus on your Core Desired Feelings — the feelings you want to have, every day — and let those CDFs inform how you plan your career. Do you want to feel free? Creative? Abundant? Passionate? Engaged? Helpful? Independent? Collaborative? Affluent? Generous? Make a list of your CDFs and then ask yourself, “What kind of job or career will allow me to feel…the way I want to feel?”

Once you know what you are aiming for — the practical pieces + the feelings you want — getting up an hour or two earlier in the mornings or working late into the night won’t feel as onerous, because you’ll know you are working towards something you truly desire.

After that? You just need to get organized and start putting in the legwork. Update your resume. Sharpen your LinkedIn profile. Make a list of people you want to connect with and fill your calendar with lunch dates. Start attending classes part-time, if you need to build up new skills. Do everything you can to keep moving forward.

Got an interview for a new job? Great! But be careful about how you navigate things with your current employer. Career blogger Penelope Trunk has a specific list of do’s and dont’s for people who are looking for new work, while still employed at another job. To paraphrase her list: DO make sure to schedule interviews before or after work and be honest with prospective employers. DON’T do phone interviews at work or mention your job search on social media. While these etiquette pointers may seem obvious, it’s important to think about all the little details to avoid insulting your current employer, losing their trust…or getting fired!

And one day…even if you haven’t lined up another job yet, you may find that you just can’t take one more minute at your old job and you have to leave, or you’ll lose your mind. Before that breaking point arrives, be sure to have some money saved and be ready to make some sacrifices. You may choose to moveback in with your parents, temporarily. You may pick up money doing part time gigs — like babysitting, dog walking, tutoring — whatever pays the bills. You may eat ramen for dinner for very a long time. Do whatever it takes. If you stay committed to finding meaningful work and keep a positive attitude, it will all be worth it.

Have faith, EJTAI, and remember that changing the course of your career is possible, no matter what your present circumstances may be. As author Rebecca Solnit writes, “The stars are given. The constellations we make.”

I can’t wait to see what YOU make, with the stars you’ve been given.

I just know it will be amazing.

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin.

Dear Ellen,

I’m a junior in college, and I’m starting to think about “life after graduation.”

Graduate school is definitely an option, on the table.

I have a professor who is really encouraging me to apply for a Masters program, and then go on to a PhD. (She’d be my mentor, and I would become her research assistant.)

I’ve talked it over with my parents, and as long as I can cover 50% of my tuition with scholarships and get a part-time job (like tutoring undergrads), then they are willing to help cover the rest.

I have to admit, staying in school for another two to five years feels pretty appealing. I could even see myself becoming a professor someday.

But a part of me is wondering, “Am I just scared to get out into the ‘real world’?”

I don’t want to enroll in graduate school for the wrong reasons. But I can see plenty of pros and cons, no matter which path I choose.

How can I decide which choice is the right one? I’ve been over-thinking and re-thinking this situation so much, I’m not seeing clearly anymore. Blech.

Sincerely,

Questioning My Motives

Dear Questioning:

You’re asking all the right kinds of questions, and you’re clearly very self-aware. That’s commendable.

Bottom line:

When you choose a path because it feels safe and comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with that. Safety can be lovely!

But safety generally doesn’t lead to growth, evolution or self-discovery.

To get those kinds of experiences? You’ve got to move out of your comfort zone and choose a path that fascinates you — but also scares you.

This advice might sound cliché. But it’s true.

So, how can you decide which choice is the right choice?

And why are certain choices so darn hard to make?

In her TED talk, philosopher Ruth Chang acknowledges that big decisions like the one you are facing can be agonizingly difficult… because there’s no clear “winning option.”

In any easy choice, one alternative is obviously better than the other. (“Delicious slice of your favorite pie… or a punch in the face?”)

In a hard choice, one alternative is better in some ways, the other alternative is better in other ways, and neither is clearly the “best.” (“Delicious slice of your favorite pie… or a delicious scoop of your favorite ice cream?”)

The best way to make a hard choice is to define who you want to be in the world – that is, the kind of contribution that you want to make — and then choose the option that seems most likely to get you there.

If it feels helpful, do some journaling to clarify your feelings about this crossroads.

Try writing down phrases like…

When I think about doing 5 more years of school, I feel…

When I think about becoming a professor, I feel…

When I think about leaving academia behind and going out into the real world, I feel…

Right now, my ultimate dream career would be…

When I think about going after that dream, I feel…

Ultimately, I want to be someone who is brave enough to…

Ultimately, I want to be someone who inspires other people to…

Write freely, without thinking too hard, and just see what comes up.

Your responses may surprise you, and the answer to the question in your heart might be right there on the page.

As Ruth Chang states: “In the space of hard choices, we have the power to create reasons for ourselves to become the distinctive people that we are.”

And that’s why a “hard choice,” like the one you are facing, is not a curse but a godsend. This is an opportunity to define who you want to be, and take a big, decisive step in that direction.

Once you silence all the noise, fold up that piece of paper with all the pros and cons, and really listen to your heart and your gut…

You will know what to choose.

You will know what to do.

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin

Dear Ellen,

I landed an internship in the acquisitions department of a museum — which is awesome, because I’m a painter and photographer, so it feels like a great fit.

I was feeling really proud of myself… until I went out for coffee to catch up with a friend from art school.

My friend has done SO much in the year since we graduated. She’s had her own gallery exhibition… got featured in a magazine… and somehow, she’s making enough money selling her artwork to get by (she doesn’t have a “regular job” on the side.)

I’m happy for her, but honestly… now I’m feeling pretty bad about myself.

It feels like she’s so much farther along than me, even though we received the exact same training, and arguably, had the same opportunities.

Now I’m questioning everything — my talent as an artist, my career choices, even this internship that I thought was a good move.

I don’t know if I need “advice” or just a pep talk.

But I could definitely use some help.

Signed,

Not So Proud Anymore

Dear Not So Proud:

Mark Twain once said that “comparison is the death of joy.”

It’s true.

There will always be someone who is farther along than you, and there will always be someone who is lagging behind you.

Obsessing about how you ”measure up” to others is never healthy… and ultimately, totally pointless!

Instead of feeling depressed and doubtful, try to get inspired by people you admire. Study what your friends, peers and heroes have done successfully, so that you can choose your next move more effectively.

The following practices can help you turn those negative feelings around, and help you to stay focused on your path — not somebody else’s.

: Look at “jealousy” as a positive emotion, not a negative one.

If you look at the history of the word “jealousy,” it actually stems from a word that means “enthusiastic longing.” How beautiful!

Try to reframe “jealousy” as a positive emotion — like desire, excitement or enthusiasm. (My friend Alex has some terrific insights on how to do this.)

For starters, you can say to yourself:

“It’s incredible that so-and-so has achieved such-and-such. If I’m being honest with myself, I want what they have, too. And now? I’ve seen first hand that it’s possible. I’m going to figure out how to create it for myself.”

When you say these kinds of words to yourself, then “jealousy” can become a source of fuel that moves you forward… instead of a heavy, unpleasant weight that holds you back.

: Operate from a place of sufficiency, not scarcity.

If you are constantly telling yourself, “I don’t have enough time, money, prestige, love, etc…” then it’s pretty difficult to stay motivated or do anything productive!

You’ve got to change the conversation inside your mind from one of “scarcity” into one of “sufficiency.”

Lynne Twist, a philanthropist and money expert, talks about the notion of “enough-ness” in her book The Soul of Money. Lynne believes that when you replace feelings of “lack” with feelings of “sufficiency,” it frees up huge amounts of time and energy to generate everything you want and need.

: Count your blessings. Be grateful.

One of the biggest reasons why we envy other people’s lives is because we tend to take our own blessings for granted. Count them again.

You are talented. You are gifted. You are cared for. You are unique. You are blessed with an internship in a museum, which allows you to contribute to your community in a meaningful way. You want to be an artist — you are very much on your path!

As Friar Lawrence says in Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, “There art thou happy: A pack of blessings light upon thy back!”

You have countless reasons to be grateful for the life you have been given — and for the life you are creating. Remind yourself again.

: Concentrate on your strengths. Celebrate your progress.

If you are going to compare yourself to anyone, it should be yourself.

What are you doing today that you couldn’t have done five, three or even one year ago?

What are your “wins” this year, compared to last year at this time?

How has your life improved? How have you improved?

What have you done recently that you never thought you could do?

In other words: how have you continued to become a new and improved version of yourself?

If you focus on your own progress, rather than comparing yourself to other people, it’s much easier to stay positive and keep taking strides forward.

: Be generous. Every day.

If you want to be successful in any field, you must create a reputation as someone with a generous spirit. Make generosity an essential habit in your life.

Give your time. Share your ideas. Contribute your abilities, talents and skills. Volunteer in your community. Support a cause that you believe in. Reach out to someone just to say “hello” and offer a resource or a piece of advice, with no “hidden agenda” or “strings attached.”

You do not have to give “everything” away. You still need to earn a living, of course. But every day, look for opportunities to be just a little bit more generous than is strictly necessary.

People will take notice. They will start to perceive you as someone exceptional — someone with tremendous value to offer. This will transform your career, leading to invitations and opportunities that you never expected…

Being generous isn’t just a good way to build a positive reputation amongst your peers and colleagues, though. It’s also good for the soul.

As John Holmes writes: “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

We all slip into a state of envy now and then…

… but instead of letting negative feelings suck up your energy, reframe the story. Change the conversation inside your mind. Practice gratitude. Practice generosity. Use “jealousy” as a positive tool to fuel you towards your dreams.

Now, get out there and be the best intern that museum has ever seen.

Celebrate your friend’s success, celebrate yourself and trust that both of you are moving down your unique paths… living your unique stories.

I can’t wait to hear about the next chapter of your story.

The only person who gets to write it… is you.

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin

Dear Ellen,

My question is pretty simple (and I’m sure it’s one that you get ALL the time).

I’m fresh out of college and applying for jobs. I haven’t been able to land any interviews, and I think it’s because my resume kinda sucks. It’s boring and sounds like it was written by a robot. But isn’t that what employers want — a “professional” tone?

There’s so much advice out there about how to write a great resume, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. I just want to present my skills in the best possible way — and get noticed.

Do you have any tips on how to write a jaw-droppingly-amazing resume?

Please help!

Big Dreams, Sucky Resume

Dear Big Dreams,

Ask ten people “Do you like writing and updating your resume?” and you’ll hear ten incredibly loud NO’s.

You’re not alone, Big Dreams. Most people hate working on their own resumes, and will do just about anything to procrastinate and avoid the dreaded task!

(That’s why there are people like me — “resume” oddballs who love resume editing + are happy to help!)

I LOVE resume editing because I LOVE stories.

And that’s exactly what your resume needs to do: Tell a great story.

Here are three pieces of advice for you, Big Dreams, and for anyone else who is struggling to craft a really, really good resume:

1. Tell your story so that the reader understands what you get EXCITED about. (Remember: when somebody asks, “What kind of job are you interested in?” what they’re secretly asking is: “What are you PASSIONATE about?”)

2. Be specific. Just don’t say, “I was a columnist for the Daily Californian.” Say something like, “I was a sports editor for our award-winning school newspaper, The Daily Californian, and wrote 50 columns over the course of 2 years.”

3. Make sure your resume is attractive and easy to read. Use a SIMPLE template — no fancy, swirly fonts. Double-triple-quadruple-check for spelling mistakes. You can use Grammarly.com to electronically spell-check and grammar-check your resume. (It’s amazing!)

Want a little more help? Check out my free worksheet: How To Craft A Resume That’s Inspiring To Read (And Inspiring To Write!)

Want even more help? Hire me to do a professional editing job on your resume.

It’s one of my favorite things to do — and over the years, I’ve helped many, many people go from “ignored” to “hired!”

Writing a resume isn’t impossible, Big Dreams, and it doesn’t have to feel like a chore.

If you can fill out an online dating profile…or write a bit of info about yourself on Twitter or Facebook…or have a conversation with a friend about what excites you + what you want to pursue in your career…you can write a resume, too.

Remember: you already know how to tell a good story. You tell stories all the time. At school. At parties. On dates. With friends.

Your resume is just a simple story about someone you happen to know very well…you!

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin

Dear Ellen,

I’m working in marketing (yay! I love it) and we’re always operating on pretty tight deadlines.

I’ve always been a total nerd about organization, and I’m obsessed with finding productivity hacks to speed up projects and get things done, faster.

As a result, I often finish my work for the day by 2 or 3pm — when I’m being paid to work till 5pm.

I usually spend the last couple hours of the day goofing around on Facebook, reading blogs, or chatting with friends — but I’m starting to feel kind of guilty. And honestly, if I’m done by 3pm, I’d rather just be allowed to go home!

I know that my boss is happy with my work, and she’s always impressed with what I’m able to complete in a single day … but even so, I’m nervous about just saying, “So … can I go home now?”

What would you recommend that I do in this situation?

Signed,

Too Speedy For My Own Good

Dear Too Speedy:

Ah, what a delightful “problem” to have!

I often wish I could go home early … but since I work from home, I’m already there!

Maybe I should set up a designated zone in my house that represents “off-duty” … complete with tropical beverages and mini umbrellas. Ahhh…

But I digress.

As an employee, you’re being paid to complete certain tasks.

So, once those tasks are complete, shouldn’t you be allowed to call it a day and go home?

Some companies say: No.

But, other companies say: Definitely!

More and more companies are referring to themselves as “results-only work environments,” which means that as long as you do the work that you’re being paid to do (making 50 sales, licking 500 envelopes, sorting 5,000 names in a database, whatever!) it doesn’t matter if it takes you one hour or five days. They just want you to get the job done — in other words, get “results.”

There are many companies that have used the results-only model, with great success — such as Zappos and Best Buy. Some government agencies have adopted it, too. And up until recently, Google allowed its employees to take one day a week to work on personal and creative projects for the company — a policy that produced Gmail and other innovations.

I’m guessing that your company isn’t a results-only work environment, Too Speedy — but more of a traditional one, instead. If that’s the case, asking to go home early probably isn’t a smart career move.

But don’t worry. You can still work this situation to your advantage, and make it a win-win for everyone.

Have a conversation with your boss, and say something like this:

“I’ve gotten into a rhythm where I can usually complete my work for the day by 2 or 3pm. I’d like to talk about what to do with that extra time at the end of each day. I’ve got a few ideas…”

…and then pitch your boss an idea for a project that YOU would love to work on!

That way, you won’t be frittering away your time on Facebook, feeling guilty for pretending to work, or feeling resentful and bored. You’ll have a juicy project to dig into — one that will help you to stay engaged and excited about your work, build new skills and add more value to the company.

Take initiative, Too Speedy. Your boss will thank you. Your co-workers will be impressed. And soon? You’ll have to change your sign-off from Too Speedy For My Own Good to So Valuable That Every Single Company Wants Me … And Wants To Double My Salary.

I’ve got an inkling that your career is about to charge forward at an astonishing speed. Good luck!

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin

Dear Ellen,

Back in high school and college, I was always super-athletic. I did sports + competed — and even just running around campus to make it to all of my classes was a workout!

But now that I’m out of school, it feels like there’s never enough time to stay fit. I wake up at 7am, shower and get dressed, drive through traffic across town, put in 8 (really more like 10) hour days at the office, drive all the way home, prep some dinner, spend some time with my girlfriend … and before I know it, it’s practically midnight and all I want to do is pass out.

I know that it’s possible to “make time” for the gym if I REALLY commit to it, but for some reason, I’m struggling to make it happen. I can already tell that it’s affecting my body — and my mood.

Ideas? Tips? A kick in the ass?

Can you help?

Signed,

Not-So-Sweaty in San Francisco

Dear Not-So-Sweaty:

We all have 24 hours in the day. Some people (think: Obama, Beyoncé, Richard Branson) manage to pack an awful lot into those 24 hours…including fitness. Others? Not so much.

Still, I can commiserate with your plight, Not-So-Sweaty. I love walking around my neighborhood and working up a light sweat in my garden, but when faced with the choice between (a) exercising and (b) anything else, I almost always opt for option b. Which usually means: binge-watching the latest scandalous HBO drama until I pass out.

But despite my couch-potato tendencies, I’ve realized, like you, Not-So-Sweaty, that having a sedentary lifestyle has a negative impact on my creativity and productivity at work…not to mention, my self-esteem.

So I make an effort to make physical activity a priority — even when it feels like I don’t have any time to spare.

With a little advance planning, I promise that you can do it, too.

Here are a few tips to make it happen:

: Look closely at how you’re really spending your time. 15 minutes on Facebook, here…30 minutes watching a Netflix episode, there…oops! You might have a lot more “free time” than you think. (I know I do!)

: Combine + conquer. Combine things you need (and want) to do … with exercise! Listen to podcasts while you’re jogging. Do lunges while you’re waiting for your laundry to dry. Hop on the treadmill while you’re watching TV. (I know a woman who does jumping jacks and boxing punches while waiting for the bus to arrive. Additional benefit: potential creeps leave her alone, because she looks completely insane!)

: Make it a game! Download an app or get a fitness device to help you keep track of your steps and workouts. Start a friendly competition with a couple of friends, and pool your cash to create a prize for whoever exercises the most!

: Bring fitness to work. Start a coffee-break walking club, or ask if you can use a spare conference room for a lunchtime yoga DVD (…and invite your colleagues to join in). Many companies are interested in getting employees more active — it reduces stress and sick days, so it’s good for their bottom line.

: Just SIT less. The latest studies show that sitting is almost as bad for our health as smoking. So if you have a sedentary desk job, be sure to stand at least 15 minutes every hour. Or, even better…invest in a standing desk!

It really doesn’t take much to start bringing fitness back into your life.

And yes, all the clichés are true: even ten, twenty or thirty minutes of movement is better than nothing.

So start moving, Not-So-Sweaty, and you won’t just feel better — you’ll be an inspiration to everyone around you.

In fact, you’ve already inspired me! In honor of you + your soon-to-be-active lifestyle, I’m going to close down my computer and head out for a brisk walk. My body (and brain) are thanking you, already!

Yours,

Ellen

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Image: Willie Franklin