Dear Ellen,
I’m a junior in college, and I’m starting to think about “life after graduation.”
Graduate school is definitely an option, on the table.
I have a professor who is really encouraging me to apply for a Masters program, and then go on to a PhD. (She’d be my mentor, and I would become her research assistant.)
I’ve talked it over with my parents, and as long as I can cover 50% of my tuition with scholarships and get a part-time job (like tutoring undergrads), then they are willing to help cover the rest.
I have to admit, staying in school for another two to five years feels pretty appealing. I could even see myself becoming a professor someday.
But a part of me is wondering, “Am I just scared to get out into the ‘real world’?”
I don’t want to enroll in graduate school for the wrong reasons. But I can see plenty of pros and cons, no matter which path I choose.
How can I decide which choice is the right one? I’ve been over-thinking and re-thinking this situation so much, I’m not seeing clearly anymore. Blech.
Sincerely,
Questioning My Motives
Dear Questioning:
You’re asking all the right kinds of questions, and you’re clearly very self-aware. That’s commendable.
Bottom line:
When you choose a path because it feels safe and comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with that. Safety can be lovely!
But safety generally doesn’t lead to growth, evolution or self-discovery.
To get those kinds of experiences? You’ve got to move out of your comfort zone and choose a path that fascinates you — but also scares you.
This advice might sound cliché. But it’s true.
So, how can you decide which choice is the right choice?
And why are certain choices so darn hard to make?
In her TED talk, philosopher Ruth Chang acknowledges that big decisions like the one you are facing can be agonizingly difficult… because there’s no clear “winning option.”
In any easy choice, one alternative is obviously better than the other. (“Delicious slice of your favorite pie… or a punch in the face?”)
In a hard choice, one alternative is better in some ways, the other alternative is better in other ways, and neither is clearly the “best.” (“Delicious slice of your favorite pie… or a delicious scoop of your favorite ice cream?”)
The best way to make a hard choice is to define who you want to be in the world – that is, the kind of contribution that you want to make — and then choose the option that seems most likely to get you there.
If it feels helpful, do some journaling to clarify your feelings about this crossroads.
Try writing down phrases like…
When I think about doing 5 more years of school, I feel…
When I think about becoming a professor, I feel…
When I think about leaving academia behind and going out into the real world, I feel…
Right now, my ultimate dream career would be…
When I think about going after that dream, I feel…
Ultimately, I want to be someone who is brave enough to…
Ultimately, I want to be someone who inspires other people to…
Write freely, without thinking too hard, and just see what comes up.
Your responses may surprise you, and the answer to the question in your heart might be right there on the page.
As Ruth Chang states: “In the space of hard choices, we have the power to create reasons for ourselves to become the distinctive people that we are.”
And that’s why a “hard choice,” like the one you are facing, is not a curse but a godsend. This is an opportunity to define who you want to be, and take a big, decisive step in that direction.
Once you silence all the noise, fold up that piece of paper with all the pros and cons, and really listen to your heart and your gut…
You will know what to choose.
You will know what to do.
Yours,
Ellen
Image: Willie Franklin