To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen:

I connected with Maya and Amy through our mutual friend, Laurie. Immediately, I was enchanted by their creativity, passion, and their gypsy-spirit lifestyle.

Maya and Amy are very special “grown-ups”—they’re the kinds of grown-ups who haven’t forgotten how to play, make things with their hands, and use their imaginations.

I loved interviewing both of them to learn more about their latest project, The Creativity Caravan, and how they navigate the challenges of being a married couple AND also business partners. Read on and enjoy…

What do you do?

[Amy and Maya]: We are the co-founders of The Creativity Caravan, a mobile arts business based in New Jersey. Our mission is to spark creativity in communities everywhere. We lead art and creative writing workshops here in NJ, and we travel with our vintage caravan all over the country. We recently completed a 10,000-mile trip through 24 states sharing our collection of miniature books made by artists from around the world, and teaching tiny book-making workshops in libraries, bookstores, art galleries, and community arts centers.

We are also a couple. We got married two years ago in two sweet ceremonies. The first took place in Vermont with Maya’s mother, a Justice of the Peace, and her violin-playing sister, and four cows as our witnesses. The second was at the end of our 30-day traveling literacy project, Type Rider II: The Tandem Poetry Tour, when about 50 of our close friends and family members descended on the Poetry Garden in Beloit, Wisconsin to witness us exchange vows and then promised to help support us throughout our journey. Each of these ceremonies were equally powerful moments in providing us with a foundational center of connection, collaboration, and community—guiding principles for us in both our private and professional lives.

What were you doing before you started The Creativity Caravan?

[Amy]: I have worn many hats. Public school teacher, managing editor at the book publisher, Simon & Schuster, bartender, freelance editor, and most importantly mother of two boys who are now nearly grown and ready to leave the nest and make their mark on the world. Evan turns 18 this week and Charlie is 15. They are my greatest teachers!

[Maya]: I have worn fewer hats than Amy in certain ways, but my work as a freelance writer for 15 years has offered a pretty wide variety in terms of experience, and has given me the flexibility to explore beyond my immediate landscape. Twice I’ve taken my love of writing on the road for some meaty projects involving bicycles and typewriters.

But I’ve also dipped into other loves—food, for example—by running a small catering business for a few years in San Francisco (I lived there for 16 years), and spearheading a French crèpe stand (Crèpe Diem) during a year-long stint in Western Massachusetts. I would say my life before Amy and our business together involved a lot of going-where-the-wind-takes-me. I did a lot of things by the seat of my pants, for better and for worse. There was a certain uncertainty about it all that I was quite enamored of, and I think probably prepared me well for the demands of a collaborative business, marriage, and step-parenting.

What is your favorite part about what you are doing now?

[Amy]: Building relationships. I’m definitely a people person. We have to have partners to be able to sustain this work. We have to find people who believe (nearly) as passionately as we do that creativity unlocks many doors and ask them to help us find others in the community who do the same. It’s the most painstaking piece of the job, and the most rewarding. I love that aha! moment when someone “gets us” and starts to think about where and with whom we would be a good fit. I mean, who doesn’t like to be seen and understood?

[Maya]: I love the incredible degree of experimentation we do with our work, and the flexibility we have in doing so. Our mission statement provides the essential structure and template—it serves as a kind of scaffolding—but the rest of it is open to wild interpretation, and that suits us well. It means we can change, adapt, retrofit, or otherwise reconfigure our offerings to make better sense for the communities we want to serve.

Also, I think “service” is a huge piece in our satisfaction metrics. The work has meaning because its value goes beyond our personal fulfillment. And that’s a tremendous and continuing reward in creating a collaborative business from scratch, this sense of meaningfulness and purpose that keeps expanding to include more people.

Least favorite part?

[Maya]: We do a lot of outreach with the community, finding allies and partners for workshops, projects, and events. The sheer volume of email communications and meetings and phone calls to get a single thing off the ground can get a bit overwhelming. The back-and-forth between ideation and execution. Sometimes, I just want to, you know, get whatever it is underway RIGHT NOW; I don’t want to spend three months trying to set up a meeting about it. Of course, I understand that partnering with others means that you are somewhat at the mercy of their schedules. So, to counterbalance that wait time, we do lots of things to fill the space that have more immediate rewards of completion. Doing our own writing and art, for example.

[Amy]: Taxes. Or just the mathematical/business end of things in general. My brain sees an equation and shuts down completely. I’d rather write 95,000 emails than do our taxes.

How do you begin your day?

[Maya]: We’ve discovered this new thing called Bulletproof Coffee. It’s regular coffee blended with a tablespoon of unsalted butter. We add a shake of cinnamon and it’s like a really good, smooth, rich latte. On a day that we don’t have anything scheduled in the morning, we kind of do our own thing for about an hour, and then one of us will pipe up and say, “Okay, let’s have a meeting.” We start a list of to-do’s, then we’ll go back and forth picking the things we’ll take care of. Of course, there are things that neither of us particularly wants to do—finish our health insurance application, for example, or call the car repair place to make an appointment for an estimate on the dented bumper—but we always say things like, “I’ll take one for the team” and it feels like you’re doing each other the good kind of favor, where you don’t resent doing it.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Amy]: Netflix and booze. Just kidding! We don’t have a perfect formula, but I’ll listen to music or make something with my hands, or take a walk. I’m also the type of person who likes to do something that is immediately gratifying like scrubbing a toilet or wiping the counters so at least I feel like I’m accomplishing something. This doesn’t necessarily help with the exhaustion, but it does boost my mental health to get a small task completely done. I probably need to come up with something better to give me a boost.

And it’s true, we do love a glass of Prosecco at the end of a particularly long day. If the weather is warm, we’ll sit on our front porch and toast to making it through another 24 hours. Then we’ll turn on Netflix and binge-watch the latest series.

[Maya]: I heartily agree with all of the above—except the scrubbing the toilet part. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that doing that does not in any way counteract a difficult, exhausting, or stressful day.

What are some of the most challenging aspects of your work?

[Maya]: The fact that our professional lives are entwined with our private lives makes for a pretty unique set of opportunities and challenges. It can hard to separate one from the other—our business is our life in many ways because we’ve both completely invested ourselves in its creation and success. And this can swing both ways in terms of feeling great or feeling stressful. It’s hard to take breaks, to go on vacation. But on the flip side, it is wildly invigorating and enriching to our relationship as a couple. We have so many points of intersection, conversation, interaction, understanding. For me, probably the biggest challenge is to individuate from that. To carve out space and time and energy to nourish my own friendships and spirit and passions and creativity, independent of Amy. To remain connected to my SELF.

The first couple of years of our business coincided with the first few years of our relationship—they were really one and the same. And it’s just been recently, the past year or so, when I realized that I wasn’t quite covering my own bases. Like I’d eaten enough food but I hadn’t had enough water. I found myself getting antsy, irritable, sad… all signs that something wasn’t quite getting met.

[Amy]: For me, the greatest challenge is balancing motherhood and a career, especially owning our own business. Unlike other jobs, you don’t get to leave your work at the office at 5pm in either situation. We work strange hours and carve out time for our own creativity in small spaces while caring for two teenage boys. It’s certainly easier at this stage than when they were younger. These days, they aren’t as physically demanding and, let’s be honest, teenagers prefer to be with their friends than with their parents. Also, my older son can drive now, so the day-to-day schedule is less taxing.

But it takes an incredible amount of energy and attention to parent children at any stage, and I definitely struggle sometimes with how to make it all work. I can get overwhelmed and my tendency is to get quiet and try to manage it all on my own. I’ve learned to share the burden better, to ask for what I need from Maya, and to ask the boys to take responsibility for things like their laundry or helping to prepare or clean up after meals. And they both have weekend jobs so they don’t bug us for pocket money all the time. I like to think these things will serve them well as adults, as will watching us build our business. I want them to know they can create the lives they want to live; it doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s.

Do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career? What would you do, in your fantasy-world?

[Amy]: Maya always teases me that what I really want is to be the lead singer in a band. I do adore live music and wish I played an instrument and could actually sing in the right key or harmonize! I suppose she’s right. I’d love to belt out tunes on a big stage backed by a full band that includes a stand up bass and an accordion. The idea of being on the road and traveling all over the world to sing on a different stage every few nights always seemed like a wonderful life. I guess now that we have traveled so much with our own work, I’ve realized it’s not nearly as glamorous as it looks, but I’d still love to be able to move people with my voice and some kick-ass lyrics.

[Maya]: I used to fantasize about being an Olympic athlete, but I suppose given the professional timeline of most Olympiads, I would have long retired by now. I honestly can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing, career-wise. Until 5 years ago, I had a solo business as a freelance writer, and during that time I also had a small catering business.

I loved the mix of these activities and the feeling of deep satisfaction whenever I completed a job. But I also went through bouts of feeling pretty lonely and isolated—there was no one, really, to talk about my work with—and I think if I’d just kept it up, I would have stopped enjoying that work and probably gotten burnt out. I’m happy our business together has involved some travel, and if anything, I just want to do that more. In my fantasy world, we spend 6 months on the road and 6 months at home. 6 months devoting our time to work with others, and 6 months devoted to creating our own art.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Amy]: I love to meet or read about other couples who are in business together; the artist, Lisa Congdon and her partner, Clay Walsh, Natasha Case and Freya Estreller who own the ice cream manufacturer Coolhaus, our dear friends Jonatha Brooke and her husband Patrick Raines who founded Bad Dog Records, and our local friends Kadie Dempsey and Dan Fenelon who have just started a creative placemaking company called CORE. I’d love to sit in a room with all of these people and find out more about how they balance business and marriage. It helps to hear other people’s stories and to commiserate and recalibrate. Sometimes I just want to call another couple and say, “How do you do it??!”

[Maya]: I think less in terms of “heroes” and “role models” as I do “mentors” and “allies” and “peers” and “companions.” I often turn to these people when I have navigational questions about any number of topics—sustaining a creative practice, workshop ideas, work-life balance, marriage, and parenting. Having a conversation with someone that I love and respect helps me to see my own life more clearly.

I don’t try to emulate my life after anyone else’s. I think we all have a very singular life experience, made up of very personal moments and feelings and choices and mindsets and behaviors. Of course, I can get inspired by other people’s lives, but it’s important for me to keep relatively close to the bone of my own life.

What’s the next big goal that you’re tackling, or the next door that you need to unlock?

[Maya]: The first thing that comes to mind is true sustainability. Not just financial—though that’s a big part of it—but I would like to have greater ease in moving from thought to action. I feel like we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about doing rather than the doing itself.

So, I think what this means is establishing a firmer base of support and community so that we aren’t “efforting” as much to sell people on the work that we do. And I know that it’s happening—we are doing things incrementally in service of that goal—but it’s hard to exercise that kind of patience. I think the financial piece becomes more accentuated as a result. We get nervous when money doesn’t come in, and get agitated and start to feel frustrated by our limitations. I never want the focus to be on our bank accounts, but we can’t NOT look at those, so I don’t want to be blind to them either. For me, sustainability is ultimately about flow, about a kind of continuity of energy that circulates relatively evenly. I’d like to unlock that door soon.

[Amy]: I agree completely. Sometimes I wish the world worked on the barter system. We’ll teach you how to make tiny books and you’ll give us a chicken to roast for dinner. Or in exchange for a teeth cleaning and dental hygiene check up, we’ll facilitate a rocking party for your 9-year-old. The bigger jobs are coming, we’re working on the right relationships with partners, schools, and community leaders, but in the meantime we’re watching the money flow out of the accounts and sustaining ourselves on smaller workshops and kindness. We’ve used Kickstarter to access monies from friends and strangers who want to be a part of something we’ve created, which is incredibly gratifying. But It’s hard not to let fear grab top billing on the marquee. Despite the worry, I feel incredibly lucky to have a partner in all of this whom I can count on to calm my nerves when I am freaking out and vice versa. We have an agreement that we’ll panic on different days—and so far we’ve been able to maintain that schedule!

Last but not least: What’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Amy]: Take care of your whole self—your body and your mind. Take breaks. Get away once in awhile and unplug. Listen. Do things that don’t look like they have anything to do with your business just to see what happens. Play. Ground yourself—literally—by paying attention to the sound your feet make on the Earth. Maintain relationships with inspiring people. Ask for help. Be the sounding board for someone else. Make time to make things with your own two hands.

[Maya]: Stay connected to who YOU are. Try to minimize the distraction of what and how others are doing. Keep the thread of your spirit and soul’s purpose intact by following the heart of what moves you. Do frequent check-ins with yourself: “Is this what I really want?” and don’t be afraid if the answer is No. In fact, if it’s not a full-on Yes, then it’s a No. Be true to your needs, but also allow for the possibility—the inevitability—that change and growth are uncomfortable. Be diligent and realistic with your commitments; you cannot promise the world to everybody, but meet the deadlines you set or agree to. Be unfailingly honest with your limitations and create—and enforce—healthy boundaries. And make sure you love what you’re doing. If you don’t, something’s wrong.

how we are not alone
by Maya Stein

because a light on the other side of the street reveals
someone more insomniac than you.
because the camera made its way into the carry-on,
not for the traveler, but those staying behind.
because the daisy, its boastful yellow,
begged for a closer look.
because you found yourself being stared at
by horses.
because the church bell rang precisely at noon,
and all of the stores slid closed.
because someone else’s charcoal fire
made your own mouth water.
because you are afraid of losing him
in a crowd.
because of the mournful sound of train whistles.
because your father let you see him cry.
because a palm against a cheek 
steers the world into softer focus.
because the poplars insist on 
weathering the winter.
because of lighthouses.
because of shadows.
because of a shared memory of perfume.
because of the sound of feet on cobblestones.
because of window boxes.
because of the man spinning pizza dough
like a circus act.
because the apple tree freed itself of dessert.
because you could hear the waterfall 
from a mile away.
because she understands 
your every look.
because the martini glasses came in fours.
because the cashier’s hand grazed your palm,
despite the coins between you.
because even if the first words fail,
the next ones won’t.
because the car in the next lane signaled left.
because of the stone wall you found in the woods.
because the dog returns at a single
whistle.
because of the brilliant descent of leaves,
and the pile that beckoned the neighbors.
because a handful of blackberries saved you
the last miles home.
because the stars look as if they’re winking.

UNLOCK YOURSELF

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Maya and Amy recently completed a 10,000-mile adventure through 24 states to share their collection of miniature books and teach book-making workshops in libraries, bookstores, art galleries, and community arts centers. Such a grand adventure!

Is there a “grand adventure” that you have always fantasized about doing? Where would you go? What would you do? Would it be directly related to your career or business, or purely a personal trip?

2. Maya and Amy love co-running a business in addition to being married and parenting together.

Do you think you’d enjoy starting a business with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse? Why or why not? Or would you definitely prefer a “solo” operation?

3. Maya’s biggest piece of advice is: “Make sure you love what you’re doing. If you don’t, something’s wrong.”

Can you honestly say that you “love” your work? Are there parts of it that you love, and others that you don’t? What are some small (or big) changes that would make your work feel more fulfilling and exciting?

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For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen:

Imagine a lifestyle where… the ocean is your “office,” dolphins are your “co-workers,” and your job is to help people see the world, celebrate life to the fullest, and create unforgettable memories.

As a yacht captain, that’s exactly what Ann Avery got to do, Now as a yacht broker working from an office, the docks, and visiting clients for regattas and cruises, she still helps people create an awesome life on the water. I always love meeting people who have chosen a somewhat “unconventional” career path, and after connecting with Ann at a workshop in San Francisco, I knew I needed to interview her and find out her story.

Enjoy this conversation with “Captain Annie” about how she found her way into her unusual career, what she loves about it, what she doesn’t, and how she handles stressful moments on the job… like when there’s over 10 feet of water pooling into the bottom of the boat! (Yikes!)

What do you do?

[Ann]: I’m a yacht broker, which means I help people to buy and sell yachts. Sometimes, my clients are very knowledgeable about yachting, and other times, they’re curious newbies without much sailing or boating experience. My job is to guide each client in a very personalized way, helping them to understand all of the possibilites that owning a yacht can bring into your life. Prior to becoming a broker, I was a captain/skipper for the better part of 10 years. Because of those 10 years, I know yachts inside and out. Doing that type of work gave me the foundation to do the work I do today.

What is your favorite part about your work?

[Ann]: The boats, the ocean, and the people.

When I was in my early 30’s, I sailed around the Caribbean with my 2 adult sisters, my brother-in-law and my 6-month old niece for an entire year. That’s when I first fell in love with the sea. It’s hard to imagine not working on—or near—the water. It’s been such a big part of my life.

As a broker, my favorite part is getting to know my client in a thoughtful, nuanced way. I need to know basic information—like, “What is your price range?”—but I also like to ask deeper questions—like, “What are you hoping this yacht will bring into your life?” and “What’s your vision for the future?” Based on what my client tells me, it’s exciting to find just the right boat to suit their preferences and goals. It’s like nautical matchmaking.

I also like being a cheerleader who says: “You can do this!” It’s exciting to show my clients that you really can create an incredible life on the water. It doesn’t have to be an impossible fantasy. It’s doable.

Back when I worked as a captain, my favorite part about my work was living on the water and teaching guests how to sail, swim, windsurf, snorkel and enjoy life. I loved encouraging guests to relax, have fun, and have a piña colada in the middle of the afternoon. It always felt good to know that I was helping to create a beautiful memory: a week on the water that they’d remember for a long time.

What is your least favorite part about your work?

[Ann]: In brokering, my least favorite part is detailing the listings. This entails getting a detailed list together of all the machinery (model numbers, etc.) As a captain, my least favorite part was a 24 hour turn-around where we had to clean-up the boat and prepare it for the next set of guests in such a short time.. But really, in both cases, those tasks are just part of the job. I don’t have any huge complaints. Every job is bound to include a few things that you don’t completely love to do—that’s just life!

How do you begin your day?

[Ann]: As a captain, on charter the day would usually begin with cleaning the outside of the boat. Then I’d inspect the engine room and whatever else needs to be checked out before the guests arrive and every day they are on board. There’s always a big list of things to do to get the yacht ready for departure. Never a dull moment!

These days, as a broker, I start my morning with a cup of tea or coffee, followed by some meditation. Then I do a short run or a workout at the club before officially starting my work for the day. Sometimes the preamble to my work shifts if I have to make calls to Europe very early in the morning.

When you’re having a difficult, stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Ann]: I take 10 very deep, slow, meditative breaths. When you take a very deep breath, it activates the Vagus nerve, which lowers your heart rate and helps your whole body to relax.

I also remember the refrain: “Kites fly high against the wind.” Sometimes, a stressful day at work is an opportunity to demonstrate your strength and soar even higher.

What has been one of the most challenging aspects of your career?

[Ann]: There are very few female yacht captains (and female yacht brokers). It’s an extremely male-dominated profession. Many people told me all of the reasons why it wouldn’t be possible for me to become successful in this industry. In spite of this pessimistic view, I carried on. I was determined to beat the odds and listen only to the people who knew I could make it.

We’ve all seen the movie Titantic. Have you ever experienced a scary moment where you had to act quickly to keep your passengers safe?

[Ann]: I’ve definitely been in some scary situations as a captain.

One time, a guest came up from down below and said, “Annie, I don’t know if this is normal, but… I see water underneath the grate at the companionway.”

Considering I had a 10 foot draft, that meant there was a lot of water in my boat. I calmly asked my mate Alan to come below. “Where is this water coming from? We have to find where it is NOW.”

We separated quickly to look in the most logical places. Alan found the issue in the generator compartment. He’d accidentally left a hose off one of the seacocks that he’d been working on earlier, and water was pouring in. He closed the seacock to stop the water. Ahhh, relief. We kept our cool and managed to resolve the issue quickly.

If there’s one thing you learn as a captain, it’s how to remain calm and focused no matter what’s going on. Grace under fire!

As a yacht broker, I’m guessing you experience a fair amount of rejection and disappointment like a client who seems interested in purchasing, at first, but then changes her mind. Does that ever upset you? How do you handle the uncertainty?

[Ann]: It’s always discouraging when you invest time, money and energy into helping a client select a yacht… and then in the end, they choose not to purchase (at all or from you.).

I work on a commission basis, which means if my client chooses not to purchase, then I don’t get paid. There is no “A for effort,” only results.

This means, as a salesperson, I need to be very thoughtful and strategic in terms of how I spend my time.

If someone is completely committed and excited about the prospect and capable of owning a yacht, then I’m thrilled to guide them through the process.

But if someone seems uncertain and hesitant, we’ll look to see what’s creating that and if it’s not resolved, then I’ll often politely decline to continue working with them. It’s nothing personal. But the fact is, I can’t afford to spend lots of time with a client who’s probably not going to make a purchase. That’s like going to work at a company that probably won’t mail you a paycheck. It’s not wise or sustainable. This isn’t a volunteer project for me—it’s my livelihood.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Ann]: Eleanor Roosevelt is someone I very much admire. She forged through many challenges in her life and did a lot of good for many people. Her philosophy—“No one can make you feel inferior except by your own consent.”—has been a reminder to never be a victim, and to take full responsibility for my life.

Lynne Twist has been a role model for me as well. She’s someone who operates with heart and walks her talk. I admire the work she’s doing to alleviate poverty and hunger, to support environmental causes and shift human consciousness to a model of unity and connection. She’s changing the world.

What’s the next door that you need to unlock—and what’s the plan?

[Ann]: I love my work as a yacht broker, and now it’s time for me to do more writing, more public speaking, and become more “visible” in my industry.

I recently launched a personal website and started a blog. I also intend to write a few freelance articles each year.

My plan is to create an “editorial calendar” for the year ahead so that I’m publishing new blog posts and photos on a consistent basis, meeting my personal deadlines and staying on track.

Last but not least: What’s your advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Ann]: Navigate with your heart.

Don’t dwell on your failures—learn from them.

Adjust the course and keep going toward your destination.

You are 100% responsible for the course you sail in your life.

UNLOCK YOURSELF

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. During stressful moments, Ann finds that taking 10 deep, meditative breaths can completely change how she feels.

What is your favorite technique for dealing with stress? How do you keep yourself calm under pressure—or is that something you’re still trying to figure out how to do?

2. Ann chose to work in a male-dominated industry, and she has faced some pessimism and push-back along the way.

Have you ever felt discriminated against—in a big way, or in a small, subtle way—at work? How did you respond?

3. As a young adult, Ann spent an entire year living on a boat and sailing with her family. That’s when she fell in love with the ocean.

What’s something you used to do with your family—like sailing, hiking, cooking, reading, volunteering, debating, etc.—that shaped you into the person you are today?

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For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen:

Imagine walking into a major clothing store and seeing a fabulous pair of shoes—that you designed—sitting right there on the shelf. For Alana Oates, that’s not a far-fetched fantasy—that’s her reality!

Alana isn’t just a talented and creative shoe designer—she’s also a driven, ambitious women who won’t accept “no” for an answer, even when company leaders tell her “no” three, four, five or six times in a row.

It was such a pleasure to interview Alana. I have a feeling you’ll love “meeting” her—and seeing her beautiful designs—just as much as I have.

What do you do?

[Alana]: I’m a shoe designer for Gap Inc., designing their women’s shoe line for their Old Navy brand.

What were you doing before you became a shoe designer?

[Alana]: Before I was a shoe designer, I studied art and fashion design at an all-women’s art college in Philadelphia, Moore College of Art and Design.

While I was in school, I worked a number of internships. These jobs were pretty grueling, but each one helped to inform what I wanted in a career. Many of these internships were unpaid, so I spent my weekends working in restaurants.

What is your favorite part about your work?

[Alana]: I fell in love with designing shoes instantly. It felt so similar to sculpture, which has been a passion of mine throughout my life.

With shoes, you have the challenge of offering trend and beauty paired with the task of making it comfortable and wearable. That challenge excites me each time I design.

What is your least favorite part about your work?

[Alana]: My least favorite part is being far away from where the shoes are being made. I’m happiest when I’m in the factories—flipping through leather swatches, sifting through trims, meeting craftsmen and vendors face to face, and working hands-on with the makers. But I don’t get to do that every day. Often, I’m working from an office in San Francisco—not in the actual factories. In my “perfect world,” I’d be able to visit the factories every week.

How do you begin your day?

[Alana]: My ideal morning starts with a good workout. I love Pilates and yoga.

When I’m getting ready for work in the morning, I listen to podcasts—usually something inspiring. I’ve really been enjoying Sophia Amoruso’s #Girlboss podcast lately. Her show features interesting women from all kinds of industries: tech, fitness, wealth management, arts and entertainment. Listening to their success stories gives me a rush of inspiration for my day.

I love the process of doing my make-up, picking out an outfit, and deciding which shoes are best suited for my day’s schedule. If I’m not rushing, it’s actually my favorite part of the day!

Can you describe your morning beauty routine? Favorite products or make-up brands? What’s in your bathroom (or purse) right now?

[Alana]: My morning starts with a post workout shower. Right now I’m dedicated to Davines Oi hair products. The line is absolutely divine! The scent is so unique and makes your hair smell incredible all day. I also just discovered First Aid Beauty’s 5 in 1 Bouncy Mask. It’s such a fun product to use, and it has a cooling sensation and a light cucumber smell, which makes it vital for summer. Brows are trending right now so I take special time and attention for mine. I use a trifecta of wax, powder, and a tinted brow gel.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Alana]: When I’m having rough day, my first instinct is to meet up with a girlfriend. Talking it out is therapeutic for me, and I’m lucky enough to have incredible friends who give amazing advice. And wine always helps!

What has been the most challenging chapter of your career so far?

[Alana]: I was two years into my first job out of college and my incredible boss left the company. There was a development trip overseas planned, and in his absence, the budget for his part of the trip was dropped.

I was upset that he was leaving, but I knew I needed to go on that overseas trip. I redesigned the collection that he and I had been working on, and despite hearing “no”—my least favorite word—at least five times, I finally got the budget to go to India and spearhead the development of the collection.

It ended up being the best-selling collection that year, and the designs that came out of it are still some of my favorites.

You mentioned that you hate hearing the word “no,” and that your proposal was rejected over five times before the company finally agreed to send you to India. Hearing “no” is never fun! How did you manage to unlock that door—and persuade them to change their minds?

[Alana]: I knew it was important for me to go on the trip to India, so it was up to me to prove it to my leaders. I worked hard to pull everything together to illustrate what the collection could be—and I had to present my ideas over and over again. But finally, I got through. Basically: I just wouldn’t accept “no” for an answer!

Do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career? What would you do?

[Alana]: When left to my own devices, I’m flipping through home magazines like Elle Décor and Cabana Home or ‘Pinning’ interiors. If I wasn’t designing shoes or accessories, I would definitely become an interior designer.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Alana]: I admire well-traveled and ambitious women. My mother is my #1 hero. Other than her—I admire Angelina Jolie, Diane Von Furstenberg, Diana Vreeland, and other women who have a clear vision, who are driven and hard-working, and who refuse to take “no” for an answer! I also have an amazing network of friends who inspire me every day. I’m constantly meeting new role models and mentors.

next door that you need to unlock? (And what’s the plan?)

[Alana]: The next door I’m hoping to unlock is the door to entrepreneurship. I’ve learned so many valuable lessons working for large companies and credible brands, but I’m excited to forge my own path. I’ll be releasing a special collection I developed with artisans in India around the holiday season. It’s a beautiful capsule and I can’t wait to share it, so stay tuned!

Last but not least: what’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Alana]: Cultivate a supportive and inspiring network for yourself.

My friends and those in my network are my biggest motivators, and it’s great to have friendly competition to keep you going when you feel like giving up.

Reach out to those who inspire you, and pay attention to the people around you who are doing great things. Having a strong network can unlock a lot of doors.

UNLOCK YOURSELF

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Alana did a series of unpaid internships—while still attending design school—to hone her skills. Those internships paved the way for her current job at Gap / Old Navy.

Imagine that you could get an unpaid internship or apprenticeship at any company in the world, learning about any industry or trade that you want. What would be your “fantasy internship”?

2. Alana’s favorite morning routine involves Pilates or yoga and an inspiring podcast or two—plus plenty of time to do her make-up and choose an outfit in a leisurely fashion!

What’s your ideal morning routine? Does your actual morning routine match up pretty closely? What could you adjust to make your morning feel a bit better? (A great morning always sets you up for a great day!)

3. For Alana, having close friends and a strong professional network is worth more than just about anything else. As she puts it, “having a strong network can unlock a lot of doors.”

Who are your three closest friends? When was the last time you reached out to each of those people just to say “Thanks for being in my life”? This week, make an effort to connect and nurture those friendships with a text, phone call, email, or face to face meeting.

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For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen:

Nothing about Paul Jarvis is “conventional.”

This is a man who lives on an island off the coast of British Columbia with his wife and two pet rats. His arms are covered with tattoos. His career is entirely self-directed. When he’s not working, he surfs, wanders through the woods and makes music with his wife (they have a band together).

How did he create this type of life and career?

The answer is: he really doesn’t care what anybody else is doing or how they choose to live and work, and he’s not interested in following someone else’s blueprint. He wants to follow his own gut instincts and sources of curiosity—wherever they may lead.

For the past seventeen years of his self-employed career, that’s exactly what he has done.

I hope you’ll enjoy this conversation with Paul, where he shares some of his current projects, his ongoing challenges, and his advice for anyone who wants to build a meaningful career.

What do you do?

[Paul]: I’m a website designer, software creator, writer, teacher, and podcaster. Basically: I make things for people who make things online.

I’ve been self-employed for the past seventeen years. My work has evolved a lot over that span of time. I’m always starting new projects and moving in different directions, depending on what’s most interesting to me at the moment.

Currently, I host a weekly podcast called The Freelancer where I share my thoughts on running a freelance business.

I recently released OfCoursebooks, a tool for people who teach online courses. OfCoursebooks gives your students an easy way to take notes on what they’re learning and share their notes with other students online.

I also run the Creative Class, a course for freelancers that shows you how to get more clients, earn more money, and deal with common business headaches—like figuring out how much to charge for your work, and figuring out what to do when a client wants ten million revisions on a project but doesn’t want to pay for your extra time.

I do quite a few other things too, most of which are listed here.

What were you doing before you became a maker of Internet-things?

[Paul]: I delivered newspapers, worked as a veterinary assistant, and worked as a creative director. I also toured with various bands and worked as a studio musician.

(I still make music today. My wife Lisa and I have a band called Mojave, which is an acoustic / folk project.)

What is your favorite part about your work?

[Paul]: Freedom. I’m in charge of my day, week, and life. I don’t have to set an alarm or keep to a rigid schedule. If the sun is shining and I feel like being outside all day long, and then working from 6pm to 10pm while it’s dark out, I can do that.

Also, I love the fact that I don’t have to do the exact same type of work every single day. I can explore new ideas—even if they’re wacky, weird, or “out there.”

What is your least favorite part about your work?

[Paul]: I don’t really have one. I love what I do, and if I don’t love something, then it’s my own fault since I work for myself.

If I had to pick ONE thing it would be accounting, but I hired a bookkeeper and accountant to do that for me—so now, I don’t even need to know what’s going on except for the big picture stuff.

How do you typically begin your day?

[Paul]: With a strong coffee from my AeroPress.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Paul]: I leave.

If work isn’t working, I stop. Typically I’ll go outside and work in my garden, build something with my hands or go for a walk in the woods.

What has been the most challenging chapter of your career so far? (A roadblock, setback, or “locked door” moment?)

[Paul]: The biggest challenge of my career has been learning how to deal with vicious criticism from people who feel offended by me, or my work, in some way.

People have written articles insisting that I am greedy (because I sell products online), that I am unprofessional (because I swear like a sailor), that my advice is terrible, my ideas are stupid, my products are worthless. You name it.

It might sound unbelievable, but I have received death threats and other threats of violence (“I’m going to come over to your house and beat your ass”) from random strangers on the Internet. And I’m not even writing about sensitive subjects like politics, religion, or abortions—I’m just sharing my thoughts on creativity and commerce!

Sadly, I have many colleagues who have received similar attacks and threats over the course of their careers. Once you reach a certain level of perceived “success” or “online visibility,” you become an easy target for trolls and bullies. I wish that wasn’t the case—but it is.

When someone is criticizing or threatening you like that, what do you do? How do you get through it?

[Paul]: First, when people voice their disapproval about who I am and what I do, it hurts. There’s no getting around that because I’m a human being with feelings.

Second, I’ve come to realize that when someone feels the need to spit criticism at me, it’s because that person is dealing with something in his or her own life—which usually has nothing to do with me. This person might be going through a divorce, a financial crisis, or a professional setback—and then, boom, this person happens to stumble upon my website and I become the target for their pent-up anger and frustration.

Third, and mainly, I’m OK if people dislike me for who I am. I would rather be myself (and make some people upset) rather than try to be someone else, and still probably wind up making some people upset anyway!

I’ve found the more I’m just “myself” in my work, the more I attract the audience I actually want. Sure, trolls show up, and that sucks, but those people are in the minority. Over 20,000 people receive my weekly newsletter, and those people have signed up because they like what I have to say and they want to hear more. That feels good. I focus on writing and creating products for those people—and I just try to ignore the trolls as much as possible.

Do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career? What would it be?

[Paul]: I thought about being a writer. Then I started writing. Then I wrote and published 4 books.

I thought about making digital products. So I made some. Then I started doing that full-time.

That’s how my whole career has gone. If there’s something I want to do, I just start doing it. I start moving towards it right away. I don’t “keep doing” every single thing that I start, but I always start.

Last but not least: what’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Paul]: Stop trying to “find your calling.”

Trying to find your calling is a recipe for disaster—or at best, a recipe for horrible disappointment. What if you can’t find it? What if you find it and then a few days later you realize that wasn’t it at all?

I don’t think we have “one true calling.” Or two. Or twelve. And I definitely don’t think it’s something you “discover” all of a sudden like a shiny golden coin on the ground—like, “Whoa, there it is, I found it, now everything in my life is the BEST!”

Instead of trying to find your “calling,” find a position, place, or project that allows you to make a difference.

Making a difference is fairly easy. First, you have to leave things better than you found them. Second, you have to leave yourself better than when you started.

Making a difference can be anything from collecting garbage, to serving coffee, to coaching billionaires, to raising children. It can be anything you choose. It’s just you, doing something that holds your attention and serves others.

UNLOCK YOURSELF

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Paul doesn’t have a one-track career. He does many different things including writing, podcasting, and developing software.

If you could have a “hybrid” career like Paul, what would it be? Choose three or four or even five “job titles” that appeal to you and string them together. Imagine what that life might look like. Can you visualize it, write about it, or describe it to a friend?

2. Paul has received intense criticism from people who don’t “like” or “get” his work.

Can you remember the last time you felt criticized at work? What happened? Was it your boss, a colleague, a customer, or someone else? How did you respond? If you could “do-over” that moment, what would you do differently?

3. Paul’s stance is that you don’t have just “one true calling,” and that searching for your calling is ultimately pointless and frustrating. Instead, he urges people to focus on “making a difference”—which means leaving other people (and yourself) in better condition than when you started.

Without thinking about money (salary, revenue, etc.) for a moment: how would you like to make a difference? What sounds interesting and enjoyable to you?

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For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen:

At age forty-eight, Bernadette Murphy decided to learn how to ride a motorcycle. It was a pretty bold choice for a “settled wife” with three kids. But she went for it—and the experience transformed her life forever.

If you’ve ever felt like it’s “too late” for you to learn a new skill—or transform your life and career—because you’re too old, or you don’t have the right connections, or you don’t have enough money, or it just feels too scary, I urge you to read this interview with Bernadette.

Her story proves: it’s never too late to step away from what’s “predictable” and pursue what you honestly want.

What do you do?

[Bernadette]: I write—mostly essays and books, including memoir and narrative nonfiction.

Harley and Me: Embracing Risk on the Road to a More Authentic Life is my most recent book, published in May 2016. It combines memoir with research into the neuroscience/psychology of risk taking to answer the question: “What happens when women in midlife step out of what’s predictable?”

For me, learning to ride a motorcycle at forty-eight became the catalyst that transformed me from a settled wife and professor with three teenage children into a woman on my own. The confidence I gained from mastering the motorcycle gave me the courage to face deeper issues in my life and start taking risks. It’s a fact that men and women alike become more risk averse in our later years—which according to psychologists and neuroscience is exactly what we should not do.

My bestselling book, Zen and the Art of Knitting, looked into the metaphysics of fiber art through a combination of memoir and reportage.

It’s kind of a weird oeuvre: knitting to motorcycles, but it’s what I do.

In addition to writing books, I am also professor of creative writing, working with graduate students at Antioch University Los Angeles, and a writing coach/editor in private practice.

What were you doing before you became a motorcycle-riding memoirist?

[Bernadette]: I’ve always been a writer, though in my younger years I used my writing skills as a journalist and a public relations/advertising copywriter.

It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I began to recognize the stories I had to tell—those tales that plumb the human condition and hopefully make readers feel less alone.

Once I realized I had these stories, the inner pressure to tell them well began to build. I went back to graduate school at that point—as a mother of three small children—and started on this path of being a full-time author, writing stories that mattered to me.

What is your favorite part about your work?

[Bernadette]: When I’m on a roll with my writing, and time disappears, and a project that seemed a mess yesterday starts to shift and change and find its own shape right before my eyes—that’s my favorite part. It’s like watching magic happen.

I’m aware that the magic can’t happen if I don’t show up to do the work, or if I just wait for inspiration to strike, or if I refuse to make my way through those painful moments when everything I write sucks and I wonder if I have any clue about what I’m doing. But if I persevere through those times and simply keep going, eventually: magic.

I also love working with students and emerging writers as they begin to find and focus their own voice, and watching that same magic happen for them.

What is your least favorite part about your work?

[Bernadette]: I’m not a fan of the book tour/publicity stage. Right now, I’m learning to master social media stuff and I have to be in the public eye more than I’m comfortable with. It’s one thing for my stories to be out there. It’s another when I have to bring my physical self into the spotlight. That exposure makes me squirm.

How do you typically begin your day?

[Bernadette]: Before I’m fully awake, I feed Gates, my fox terrier rescue dog, walk him, and then settle down for 20 minutes of meditation. Once I’ve centered myself that way, then coffee, email, and writing are next.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Bernadette]: Sometimes I just walk away. I get up from the computer and take Gates for a walk in the park next door to break up the day and get a fresh start. Or I take a bath. Or go for a massage if I can fit it in. Another session of mediation always helps. Anything to interrupt the negative momentum that has started rolling.

What has been the most challenging chapter of your career so far? (A roadblock, setback, or “locked door” moment?)

[Bernadette]: There have been a lot of them—too many to list here! Being a writer, I think, is a huge lesson in being knocked down and getting back up. Over and over and over again.

Here’s one example: two years ago, I moved to the island of Mo’orea in French Polynesia on sabbatical from my teaching job to finish Harley and Me. While there, I sent the third fully revised 90-page proposal to my literary agent, and I was sure I had finally nailed it. She wrote back, not at all happy with the proposal and making it clear that we didn’t see eye-to-eye on this project.

Unlike my three previous books, which she sold based on rather short and easily created proposals, this one was taking so much more work. I wasn’t sure if she was wrong or I was wrong or what do to next. I was utterly adrift—and so depressed I could hardly move. Here I was in paradise to do this one thing, and now I was no longer sure that I could do it.

How did you get through that “locked door” moment?

[Bernadette]: I spent the next few days in a state of complete surrender. Maybe I needed to give up the agent, with whom I’d had a longstanding work relationship and who was a heavy hitter in the book world. Maybe I needed to give up this particular book project. Maybe my writing career had run its course and was coming to an end. I had to be willing to let go of everything and completely surrender to any and all of these possibilities.

When I quit fighting for things to be the way I demanded them to be, a new, better version of the book began to take shape. I found I could do exactly what I wanted to do with this project and meet my agent’s suggestions as well. Her suggestions, in fact, greatly strengthened the work. But when I first received them, I couldn’t see that possible outcome. I was too afraid of the challenge she had put before me and hadn’t yet learned to trust that I could do it. It was easier to think she was wrong and didn’t understand my project than to see that what she was suggesting was a good and necessary thing.

It’s obvious that you’re so passionate about writing—but do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career? What would it be?

[Bernadette]: Yes and no. I really think I have the best career possible for me. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But I’d love to have a few other careers in addition to my writing. I’d love to be an outdoor adventure guide, a musician, a Ranger in a National Park, an athlete, a coach. The list goes on and on.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Bernadette]: The women who have showed me how to do this thing called “life.”

I raised three kids, but I did so having no role model. My mother was seriously mentally ill and institutionalized during much of my childhood. When I become a mother myself, other women in my life stepped up to show me how to do it.

Women writers, likewise, have been my biggest supporters, reading drafts of my work, putting me in touch with people who may help my career, holding me accountable for what I say I’m going to do, and cheering me on from the sidelines.

What’s the next door that you need to unlock? (And what’s the plan?)

[Bernadette]: I’m working on a novel now that I started some 18 years ago. It’s very close to the bone for me and I’ve completed at least five drafts of it that failed to satisfy me.

I’m going to try it once again, but this time the plan is to nail it once and for all or cut it loose. To do so, I’m making a specific, month-by-month work schedule that I will ask a writing friend to hold me accountable to.

This time, either the novel works or it doesn’t, but I have decided that after this attempt, I can’t keep dragging this albatross behind me any longer. I’m like a sailboat with my sail set just right into the wind, ready to move forward, and this book has become an anchor I’m dragging behind me. I need to take this one last attempt and then be done with it.

I’m wishing you smooth sailing with that project! Last but not least: what’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Bernadette]: Will power is great, but a plan is better.

Learn to prize what’s important in life rather than what’s urgent. There will always be urgent things trying to get your attention and pull you away from what you truly value—laundry, dishes, the needs of others. Our culture values us when we take care of all those urgent things, when we’re productive that way. But if we only do what’s urgent, we’ll never get to focus on what’s truly important to us.

Don’t be afraid to make a mess or to fail, even publicly. Every failure I have walked through has taken me one step closer to the next success. When I play it safe and try to avoid messes and failure, I miss the success that might have been birthed through the failure.

People are quick to warn you about all the lurking perils if you take risky options. But no one tells you about the death that occurs, slowly, like the frog swimming in a pot of increasingly heated water, if you don’t put your true self on the line. We only get one go-around at this rodeo (to the best of my knowledge). I want to be fully alive and fully me in the time I have on this planet.

UNLOCK YOURSELF

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Bernadette hopped onto a motorcycle at age forty-eight and her life changed forever—in very surprising ways.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do (ride a Harley, visit Bali, take a drawing class, run a 5K, etc) that you’ve been postponing? What’s stopping you?

2. While preparing to write her latest book, Harley and Me, Bernadette experienced a period of overwhelm, stuckness, and depression, and temporarily wondered if she should even continue writing at all.

Do you ever feel like “walking away” from your entire career? Do those feelings come often? Or just occasionally? What do you say to yourself in those moments? What helps you?

3. Bernadette loves when she feels “on a roll” with her writing—in the zone, in that trance-like flow-state where time seems to disappear.

When do you feel “in the zone”? Can you remember the last time that you felt so immersed in a project that you barely noticed time passing? What were you doing? What was happening?

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For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

Whenever I see a photo of Jolie, my first thought is, “WHOA.” Her body is so fit, lean, and incredible. As someone with a somewhat “mixed” relationship with exercise, I find her discipline and commitment really inspiring! But beneath the toned physique, there’s a strong woman and savvy businessnesswoman who works tirelessly to help change her clients’ lives—and who has navigated betrayal and heartbreak to get to where she is today.

I know you’re going to love this conversation with Jolie. She’s a woman who truly exemplifies what it means to be “strong.”

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What do you do?

[Jolie]: I’m a Certified Personal Trainer, Nutrition and Fitness Coach.

I own a beautiful training studio called Prime in Monterey, CA, where I work with men and women who want to significantly improve their strength, lose weight, gain muscle, and unlock their full potential.

Clients either train one-on-one, in small groups or come to a boot camp-style conditioning and strength class three times a week.

I also run The Prime Method, an online training, nutrition and lifestyle website with recipes and follow-along workouts that you can do at home, in your hotel room, or wherever you happen to be. The response to the website has been phenomenal—we’ve gotten praise from supermodels, busy parents, people from all walks of life who love the workouts and guidance. It’s always exciting to get emails and photos from clients and see the “before and after” results.

What were you doing before you got into the fitness industry?

[Jolie]: I was an independent filmmaker and actress. I started off in Detroit founding and running an independent production company, and during that time I did my BFA in theatre. I moved to Dallas to pursue an MFA in acting, then to LA where I worked as an actress and assistant ‘till I met and married my husband Michael and moved to Monterey area.

What is your favorite part about your work?

[Jolie]: I love being creative and active, every single day.

I love figuring out ways to make physical movement feel “delightful” for my clients. I often say, “I love to walk in the door and make you happy to sweat!”

I never get tired of watching my clients transform their bodies, which simultaneously transforms their lives.

When I stand in front of a room ready to teach a class or train a client and I am preparing to introduce what they are going to do to make their body stronger, looser, or leaner, I feel joy. My clients can feel that joy and it becomes infectious—in a healthy way. I think that is what people crave as much as the movement. That feeling of deep passion and joy.

What is your least favorite part about your work?

[Jolie]: Paperwork.

Creative blocks—which happen periodically.

Self-imposed pressure. I put pressure on myself to show up to the studio with something “special” every day, which is impossible. But still, I strive for that level of creativity. And when I fall short, I have a tendency to beat myself up about it.

How do you begin your day?

[Jolie]: Usually: fueled by a cup of black coffee in the quiet dark.

But it depends on what is driving me that day. If I’m preparing for a fitness certification, I’ll do my own workout right on the kitchen floor. Often, the early morning is when I write because it’s quiet and I can focus. But it’s always woven around getting my son and husband fed and off to school and work.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Jolie]: When I’m not totally denying this state—which I am known to do—I’ve found it best to acknowledge it out loud to clients or my family. I can workshop my stress, fear, or anger by bringing it into the open. I’m definitely not one to hide away or need private time. I prefer to have company with my misery.

What has been the most challenging moment of your career so far—like a major roadblock or “locked door” moment?

[Jolie]: This happened just recently and shook me to the core.

My business partner decided to leave the business. We had been close friends—and she left the friendship as well. Even though it was inevitable, we had made a commitment to continue working together until 2018 so I wasn’t prepared for the shift to happen so soon.

It also happens that she developed and launched her own business before her transition out, and I dealt with feeling betrayed both personally and professionally. The reputation of Prime was built by the both of us over a long period of time. By not being upfront with her intentions—or by me missing the writing on the wall—I felt that she betrayed the trust of a lot of people for her own gain.

It dawned on me that she stopped considering me a friend, or treating me like a friend, at some point. She avoided me and kept things from me. I really believed that even if we parted ways as business collaborators we could still remain friends and support each other from afar. But that hasn’t been the case. After the split, I felt defeated and confused and really questioned my worth.

How did you get through that difficult chapter?

[Jolie]: I spent more time listening instead of talking. Waiting instead of pushing.

I typically love to act fast and make things happen (card-carrying manifester, right here), so it was actually very difficult for me to slow down, wait, think, and mourn.

I couldn’t imagine what would happen next for my business. I also really asked myself if what I had built was worth keeping, which is probably a healthy thing to do periodically. I also asked for help from my clients, family and friends. I have an amazing, supportive husband and a flock of bad-ass friends who all supported me during that time.

A couple I train regularly came in during one weekend and helped me give Prime a facelift. It had fallen into neglect and need a fresh coat of paint and some organizing. Their support gave me new energy.

After that, I created new connections in the community and almost instantly found four fabulous trainers who now work at Prime. I emerged in a better place, both personally and professionally. Today, Prime feels stronger than ever, and I find myself in the position of being both a manager and a trainer. It’s working.

Do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career?

[Jolie]: I want to write, buy art and travel. I’d also love to get back into film either as an actress, producer, or director.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Jolie]: My close circle of friends—women who navigate life with such grace. In particular, the giving mothers, who I have watched raise geniuses, community leaders, educators, Olympic athletes, public servants, chefs, dancers all while making healthy dinners and building their own careers.

What’s the next door that you need to unlock—and what’s the plan?

[Jolie]: I’d like to produce a new website that reflects this new chapter in my life. I am on the verge of turning 51 and I’ve had a shift of perspective about health, beauty, aging, going silver haired and not becoming invisible that is really compelling me right now.

I’d like to write a book. Film more fitness videos. I also have a dream to do a TED Talk.

[Jolie]: The plan is to create structure in my workweek to accommodate thought time and down time. I tend to move forward with no problem but need to be still in order to really see.

Last but not least: what’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

[Jolie]: I have several pieces of advice:

• Take time to look back at what you have created up to this point. Acknowledge the growth and celebrate before you go on to the next point.

• Find a way to improve your physical, mental, and spiritual health so you can enjoy your work. This means discovering your source of energy and feeding it.

• Nurture your friendships. Find your teachers. Power comes from the inside out when you live with intention and come from love.

• Break tradition. Color outside the lines.

• Ask for help when you need it.

UNLOCK yourself

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Jolie says that when she’s standing at the front of her fitness studio, preparing to teach a class, she feels intense joy.

When do you feel that kind of joy? During which types of moments or activities?

2. Jolie has a close-knit community of friends who inspire her and help her get through difficult times.

Who are your three closest friends at this stage in your life? How do those people support you? (Maybe you could call or write sometime today to say “thank you.”)

3. After Jolie’s business partner left the company, she felt shattered and betrayed. But today, her fitness brand is stronger than ever. The upheaval turned out to be a great opportunity to refresh the studio, hire more trainers, and make all kinds of positive changes.

Can you remember a time when something “bad” happened that actually unlocked a positive opportunity to you, or that turned out to be a wonderful thing in the end? What was it?

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