Dear Ellen:
I’m a total introvert — you know, the person who’s always tucked in the corner at parties, or reading a book alone at a bar.
I don’t have a problem with being introverted — I like quiet activities, I like being alone with my thoughts, and I like who I am.
But everyone keeps telling me that I need to “promote” myself more, and talk about my achievements. (My career counselor told me, “Don’t be afraid to brag!”)
I’ll be graduating from college soon, and beginning the dreaded job-hunt. All that networking, the phone calls, the interviews … it’s making me anxious, already.
Do you have any tips on self-promotion for introverts?
Or do I just need to buck up and try to be more extroverted — at least until I’ve landed a job?
Signed,
Allergic To Bragging
Dear Allergic to Bragging,
We live in a world where extroverts rule. Workplaces are set up for maximum group interaction. Office settings often have no walls — and no privacy. People who prefer to stay out of the commotion are often perceived as “shy” or “under-confident.” But that’s not necessarily true, at all!
As a lifelong introvert, myself, I can tell you: there’s nothing wrong with preferring a quiet, peaceful or even solitary kind of life.
In fact, some of history’s greatest writers, thinkers and leaders have described themselves as introverts.
The poet Mary Oliver barely leaves her house and almost never does interviews — yet she is one of America’s bestselling poets. Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Bill Gates are all people who have made a significant mark on the world, and who consider themselves to be introverts.
But let’s leave “changing the world” aside, for the moment. Back to your question: What’s the best way to network when you’re hunting for a job, as an introvert?
It’s important to remember that networking + self-promotion aren’t necessarily about blasting your message (loudly!) to as many people as you possibly can.
Finding meaningful work is all about relationships, and when it comes to relationships, it’s about quality, not quantity.
If you have three people who trust you, believe in you, and would do just about anything to help further your career, that’s far better than three hundred people who barely remember your last name.
You can absolutely build professional relationships + impress people in a “quiet” way, and here are a few ideas on how to do it:
: Invite a potential mentor out for a coffee date or a walk in the park, instead of attending a boisterous happy hour event.
: Or, go to that happy hour event, but then give yourself plenty of alone-time afterwards to recharge.
: Leverage one of your introvert superpowers — deep listening — and ask plenty of questions while you’re having a conversation. Get the other person talking about themselves, so that the spotlight isn’t glaring on you.
: Send hand-written “thank you” notes after a job interview or coffee date. You’ll make a terrific impression … from afar!
: Throw an intimate party (whatever “intimate” means to you — maybe two people, maybe twelve) and invite everyone to share their career goals around the table. See how you can help others, and they’ll be inspired to help you!
: Work with a career coach or resume editor in a 1-on-1 capacity, rather than attending a massive job fair or gigantic workshop.
: Replace the word “bragging” with a different term that feels more comfortable. Try “sharing” or “stating the facts” or “celebrating my accomplishments.”
Most of all, be honest with yourself. Don’t pretend to be somebody you’re not — while you’re hunting for a job, or after you’ve gotten the job.
Think about the kind of career — and working environment — that will make you truly happy.
Just like a redwood seedling needs certain conditions in order to grow + thrive, so do you! Give yourself the conditions you need, in order to be your best.
The more you accept + celebrate who you truly are, the easier it will be for you to find work that you love.
And I know you will do just that.
Yours,
Ellen
Image: Willie Franklin