Ask Alex & Ellen: How Can I Develop Friendships?

I love giving advice.

So does my friend Alex.

We come from different generations and we’re at very different points in our lives and careers. But we share the same philosophy: every door can be unlocked.

Every once in a while, we  partner up on a special installment of my advice column, Ask Ellen. It’s called… Ask Alex & Ellen.

Two hits of advice in one column.

We hope you enjoy it!

Ask Alex & Ellen

Dear Alex & Ellen,

My question is: how can you develop a friendship with someone you met once—like at a wedding or conference or similar event?

Sometimes, although not very often, I meet someone and I feel an instant connection. Like “friendship at first sight.” But how do you keep that connection going?

Just Want To Be Friends


Alex says:

Dear JWTBF,

We live in a culture that is obsessed with “collecting friends” and it’s not particularly healthy. We’re also a very impatient culture. We want results NOW. We don’t like waiting, not even for one second. Swipe. Tap. Click. Gimme!

This is probably one of the reasons why I purposefully avoid networking events, conferences, and pretty much all forms of social media. I would rather nourish the friendships and professional relationships that I’ve already got rather than scurry around trying to add more, more, more people to my network. This may sound very grumpy and grinch-like, but… it’s the truth!

But you, JWTBF, do not sound like a frenzied friend-collector. Quite the opposite.

You said it yourself: “Sometimes, although not very often, I meet someone and I feel an instant connection. Like ‘friendship at first sight.’”

The feeling that you’re describing, JWTBF, is special and rare. In Celtic monasticism, it’s called “Anam Cara,” which means “Soul Friend.” Anam Caras don’t come around every day. So when you feel that type of feeling, then yes, I think it’s wonderful to pursue it.

My recommended approach would be to follow up with a brief email after the event. Share your feelings, and then invite your new friend to do something interesting—coffee is fine, but propose a couple of unique experiences, too. Keep it light and un-pushy. Give a generous timeline to meet up again, like “sometime in the next month.”

You could say something like…

Hey [name],

I really enjoyed meeting you at [place].

I know you’re probably very busy with life, work, and so forth. Me too. But I just wanted to send you an email to say that I felt a lovely spark during our conversation the other day—like “friendship at first sight”—and I would definitely love to hang out again if that’s something you’d like, too!

Maybe at some point in the next month or so, we could take a yoga class, get a manicure, visit the Museum of Modern Art (you mentioned you’ve never been! shocking) or get sugary treats at my favorite donut place.

Let me know a couple of dates that might work for you. No pressure whatsoever. Just an invitation to be friends. 🙂

[your name here]

If your new friend doesn’t respond to your lovely email, well, then perhaps they’re not feeling the same “spark” as you, or they’re just too busy to incorporate more friends into their life right now—and that’s OK. Let it go. There will be other Anam Caras in your lifetime. But if they do respond? Hooray! A soul friendship is born.


Ellen says:

It’s been my experience that as we go through our lives, we make different kinds of friends. Each of them fill different needs.

There are the soulmate / true blue friends. The Anam Caras, as Alex so beautifully pointed out.

There are friends that we love to be with. We call them when we want some fun company to go to movies or dinner or to take a walk.

There are work friends. People we share a good portion of our lives with whom we rarely socialize on the weekends.

All of these people make our lives fuller, richer, deeper.

I still have a few friends from college—high school, even—but I made most of my true blue friends when my children were growing up. They are the backbone of my life. My soul sisters.

When I moved a few years back, after living in the same community for over 32 years, it was jarring not to have my soul sisters nearby. Of course they were still in my life—we talked often on the phone and saw each other when we could. But it wasn’t the same.

I realized I needed to make new friends. I knew I could never replace the deep friendships I had nurtured over many decades, but I also was open to having new kinds of friends.

So, I reached out. I went to workshops. I went to exercise classes. I took cooking classes and did things that aligned with my interests. Over time, I met some great people. By following through and taking initiative, I have developed friendships that have expanded my world in ways I never could have imagined.

It’s true, not everyone is a soulmate friend. Those are rare. But when you find them, it is priceless.

So I say, make the effort! If you’re feeling a spark with someone, reach out and see what happens. Keep an open mind and try to allow this new friendship to be whatever it’s meant to be: a soul friendship, a professional friendship, a friendship that lasts many years, or maybe one that just lasts for one summer.

Not every friendship is meant to last an entire lifetime, but even brief friendships can still enrich and enhance your life.

Good luck, JWTBF!

Here’s to many happy friendships.

Let us know how it goes!

Alex & Ellen


GO Get It! Course

PS. When it comes to getting your dream job, landing a new client, or getting any other kind of major career opportunity, it’s all about “who you know.”

But having a strong professional network doesn’t necessarily mean have 10,000 Twitter followers: it’s about the quality of your relationships, not just the quantity. And if you want to strengthen your network and forge real friendships with people who can open all kinds of doors for you… I have a new program you should know about!

Join me and my colleague Susan Hyatt for a new online experience called GO GET IT!

With this program, you’ll choose 1 career, business, or income-related goal and you’ll pursue it with 100% commitment for 6 weeks in a row.

As part of the process, you’ll make strategic connections with a small handful of people who can help you reach your goal—and you’ll focus on building high-quality relationships that feel genuine, not forced.

Enrollment for GO GET IT! is open right now. You’ll get a generous bundle of “thank you” gifts the moment you enroll, including over ten workbooks from my Unlocked Academy collection on topics like how to write an enticing cover letter, how to woo a mentor, how to put together a basic business plan, and more.

Here’s all the info on GO GET IT! The program begins on April 4th. Sign up, choose your goal, and get ready to make major progress!

Susan and I can’t wait to see you inside!

ELLEN_SIGNATURE


Image: Willie Franklin.

Go Get It!

ELLEN_FONDILER_GO_GET_IT!_COURSE_2

As a teenager, I was highly opinionated and, like most teens, I thought I was much smarter than most of the adults around me. I couldn’t WAIT to graduate from high school and begin my real, cool, grown-up life. Also, I wasn’t very into “school spirit.” Football games, dances, things like that? Snore. Really not my thing.

So I was pretty surprised when I was asked to help produce the senior prom.

“Why me?” I wondered. “I hate proms!”

But the folks in charge insisted that they needed me on the team. My first task: Selecting a band to perform at the dance.

I never do anything half-assed, so I decided to go after one of the hottest bands in the country: Gary Lewis & the Playboys. OK, maybe you’ve never heard of them, but back then? They were super popular with a #1 song at the top of the charts—not quite Kanye West or Kendrick Lamar-level famous, but pretty close!

I did some research, found the phone number of the band manager, and called him up.

(Looking back, I am sure he was pretty stunned to answer the phone and hear a teenage girl’s voice on the other end!)

I confidently introduced myself and explained that I wanted Gary Lewis & the Playboys to perform at my school’s prom. I told him our budget (basically nothing) and waited for his response.

There was a pause.

Then, he said “yes.”

Why did he say “yes” to my insane, unreasonable, totally unsolicited proposition? Honestly, to this day, I have no idea. Maybe he was just caught off guard and said “yes” in a moment of confusion. Maybe he was impressed by my courage and chutzpah. Maybe I just happened to catch him on a great day, when he was in a generous mood. Whatever the case: HE SAID YES!

The band came to my prom, the kids could not believe it, and I became the hero of my school.

It’s been a long time since I graduated from high school. I’ll refrain from saying exactly how many years—a lady is entitled to a bit of mystery! But I’ve never forgotten that experience.

Throughout my career, I’ve worked as an attorney, I’ve raised millions for causes I believed in, and I’ve launched 4 businesses—along with raising 2 amazing boys. I’ve had so many moments where my “goal” or “dream” seemed so unattainable. I’ve had moments where I literally felt paralyzed with fear. In those moments, though, I return back to this question:

“Yeah, but… what if I just call them up and ask?”

What’s the worst that could happen? Usually nothing that bad.

What’s the best that could happen? I could get everything I want. I could reach my goal. Or maybe even wind up with something better.

I’ve learned that no matter what you want—whether it’s a better office, a more flexible schedule, a bigger salary, or for your dream client to hire you—absolutely nothing happens if you take a passive approach. It’s easy to hide behind fears or excuses. But the kinds of people who consistently get what they want don’t make excuses—they make an effort, they make things happen, and sometimes, they even make history.

I’ve also learned that locked doors are an illusion—today, more so than ever. Everyone has an email address. Everyone has a phone number. Everyone (well, almost everyone!) has at three two or three social media profiles. Everyone is reachable.

With the right attitude and the right strategy, any door can be unlocked.

What could you unlock for yourself, this week, simply by asking for it?

A new opportunity? A business connection? More money? More respect?

ELLEN_FONDILER_GO_GET_IT!_COURSE

GO GET IT!

Imagine if you chose one career, business, or income goal and you pursued that goal with 100 percent commitment for six weeks in a row. Imagine how much progress you would make! Even better: imagine if you had not one, but TWO coaches guiding you along, giving you tons guidance on all kinds of topics including negotiation, sales, marketing and email-writing to help you attain your goal and get exactly what you’re yearning for. (Or maybe: something better.)

If what I’ve just described sounds exciting to you, don’t miss my newest program: GO GET IT!

More opportunities. More money. More respect. Whatever you want? Name it and claim it inside this exciting coaching program, which I am co-teaching along with a fabulous friend of mine: master life coach and author Susan Hyatt.

Enrollment for GO GET IT! Is open and you’ll get a generous bundle of “thank you” gifts when you sign up.

Here’s all the info. See you inside!

ELLEN_SIGNATURE

UNLOCKED Links: February 2016


Once a month, I curate the best links on how to find work that you love, be excellent at what you do, and unlock any door that stands in your way. Mostly, I gather articles and podcasts that capture my attention because they make me think or laugh. Here is the link round-up for February 2016!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Ellen Fondiler | UNLOCKED Links: February 2016

• At age 67, this mother of 11 and grandmother of 23 became the first woman to walk the entire 2050 mile Appalachian Trail. She told her daughter: “If those men can do it, I can do it.”

• We tend to think of brewers as men — at least I do! Not true. Here are more than 40 Babes Who Beer: Women Brewers, Bartenders and Entrepreneurs.

• Is blogging dead? Maybe not, but the times sure are a changing. Chris Guillebeau’s read on how the world of online publishing is changing.

• What are your other options? Alexandra Franzen lists 35 things you can do instead of starting a blog.

• Can we train ourselves to be happy? Science says we can and this app will show you how.

• Next time your kids complain about walking to school, have them watch this!

• Lena Dunham and Jane Fonda explore everything from feminism and motherhood to Hollywood sexism and dangerous women. Read it here.

• A great column from Parker Palmer (one of my favorite columnists) in Krista Tibbet’s On Being (also a fav) with advice on what to do when you are feeling lost (hint: stand still).

• Susan Hyatt shares chef Brandon Week’s recipe on how to cook a perfect sunny-side-up egg. Watch out, the photo will make you very hungry!

• Stuck in a long commute? Need some great podcasts to listen to? Here are some top picks.

• Love these moving portraits of the most famous folks in Hollywood. Watch out — they are tricky!

• And to end on a funny note, here are 100 jokes that shaped modern comedy.


Image: Willie Franklin.

UNLOCKED Stories: Sherry Richert Belul, Celebrationist, Bookmaker & Founder of Simply Celebrate

ELLEN FONDILER | UNLOCKED STORIES: Sherry Richert Belul

To do the work you love, you’ve got to unlock a few doors. UNLOCKED Stories are honest conversations with people who chose a path and made it happen.

A note from Ellen: Sherry Richert Belul is one of my dearest friends, and one of the most inspiring human beings I’ve ever met. She really needs no introduction. Just dive into her story and you’ll fall in love with her—and her mission,too.


What do you do?

[Sherry]: I run a company called Simply Celebrate where I create meaningful, customized gifts that encourage people to celebrate life, moment by moment, every day.

Two of the gifts that I offer on my website are Audio LoveGrams and Tribute Books, which are special, handmade books filled with photos, memories and stories all about someone’s life.

I also run an online course where I teach you how to make your own DIY Tribute Book to honor someone you love—like a parent, grandparent, or an awesome friend.

What was the inspiration for your business?

[Sherry]: It may sound sad or morbid, but “funerals” were actually a big part of the inspiration for Simply Celebrate.

At funerals, all of your loved ones gather around to honor you, celebrate you, and say wonderful things about how much they love you. I always thought to myself, “Why do we wait until our loved ones are ‘gone’ to celebrate them? We shouldn’t wait. We should express our feelings now.”

With everything I do at Simply Celebrate, I am trying to inspire people to “say it now.”

On your website, you often talk about creating a “daily celebration practice.” Why do you think it’s so important to celebrate life every day? After all, not every day is your birthday or New Year’s Eve!

[Sherry]: When you create a daily practice of celebrating yourself and others, and celebrating ordinary moments, it’s just like having a spiritual practice or a meditation practice. It really changes your life.

You feel more appreciative—even when things aren’t perfect. You laugh more. You create richer friendships. You might fall in love with your husband or wife all over again—who knows? All kinds of miracles happen when you celebrate.

And I firmly believe that you don’t need a “holiday” or a special “reason” in order to celebrate. In fact, unexpected celebrations are often the best ones of all!

Daily celebration really does become a “way of life.” You can choose to be an Optimist, or a Pessimist, whatever type of –ist you want. I choose: Celebrationist.

What are some of your favorite ways to be a Celebrationist?

[Sherry]: There are so many options!

You might choose to call a friend that you haven’t talked to in a decade or more.

Or you could mail a printed photo to your sister along with a favorite childhood memory of her.

You could plan a special adventure for you and your brother to share together.

You could interview your best friend’s elderly mother and record the conversation so that your friend will always have her mother’s voice with her.

The simple act of being fully present and engaged when you’re talking to someone, really listening to them without half-looking at your phone or being distracted—that is a beautiful form of celebration, too.

I share tons of celebration ideas on my website, including a Love List that you can download and print out for inspiration. I also collect lots of celebration inspiration on my Pinterest board.

ELLEN FONDILER | UNLOCKED STORIES: Sherry Richert Belul

What were you doing before you started your company, Simply Celebrate?

[Sherry]: Before running Simply Celebrate, I was scrambling to get out of a pit of depression.

On the outside, my life looked pretty amazing. I was the executive director for an animal protection agency. Before that, I worked for Teen magazine, writing press releases about “The Great Model Search” and the merits of Dippity-do hair gel. I had a whole string of interesting jobs that sounded “cool” and “impressive.”

But on the inside, I was lost. I constantly criticized myself and I felt I wasn’t living up to my potential. I thought I was “too emotional,” and that I felt things to deeply. My life was measured by all the things at which I failed or all the ways I failed.

Then, two things happened.

One, I was led to take a meditation class where I discovered that the iron wall of depression was not as solid as it looked. I noticed there were moments of well-being and joy in my life—a friend’s kindness, my cat purring against my chest, the taste of lime, the sound of bells in the distance.

These moments were pinpricks of light in the iron wall. I started looking for these pinpricks everywhere. From there, I realized I didn’t have to wait for those moments of joy to land in my life: I could create them—for myself and for others.

The other thing that happened is that I took a class called “Creating a Life Worth Living.” During that class, the idea dropped in to create a business making one-of-a-kind books full of stories, appreciations, photos, and wishes from a whole group of someone’s closest friends and family.

Suddenly, all of my attention was turned to love and celebration. Instead of scanning my life, looking for what was “wrong,” I began to seek out and celebrate everything that felt so “right.” It was like a new compass was being constructed inside of my heart, pointing me towards the light.

What is your favorite part about what you are doing now?

[Sherry]: One of my favorite aspects of my work is that the “ripple effect” of this work can be so surprising and unexpected.

A customer might hire me to help create a Tribute Book, for example, thinking, “Oh, this will be a neat gift for my mom.”

But then, through the process of collaborating with me to create the book, that same customer might realize, “My mom is the most incredible woman, I need to celebrate her much more often…” or “I suddenly feel a powerful urge to visit my homeland in Ireland…” or “Wow, now I feel inspired to write a children’s book for my kids; I never thought I would do that…” or “I never knew I could feel joy so deeply, or that there was so much love inside of me…”

When we take the time to celebrate, it’s like a deep wellspring of love gets “uncorked” inside. New ideas start flowing. So much appreciation bubbles up. Life really changes. Always for the better.

Least favorite part?

[Sherry]: Technology.

I was hosting an online event recently where I was teaching dozens of people how to create handmade gifts and experiences—instead of shopping at malls on Black Friday—and then just as the class was about to begin, my website hosting service had an outage and my website went down!

Luckily, it went back up within a short amount of time, but these sorts of technological snafus can be so stressful.

When you’re having a difficult or stressful day, how do you get through it?

[Sherry]: I’m lucky that over the years I’ve been exposed to so many amazing tools and practices that bring me back to center.

A few of my favorite practices are… putting on a fun hat, meditation, listening to an iTunes playlist full of my favorite feel-good music, writing thank you notes to strangers, leaving appreciation voicemails for people I love, doing a five-minute creative writing prompt, making an audio recording in which I talk to my centered/higher self, doing a handstand or headstand, reading thank you notes or love letters I’ve received through the years, looking at my favorite photos, meeting a friend face to face, eating foods I love, going outside to look for ten beautiful things, and making a list of things that sparkle in my life.

ELLEN FONDILER | UNLOCKED STORIES: Sherry Richert Belul

What has been your most challenging chapter career so far—a roadblock or “locked door” moment?

[Sherry]: Well, there is the one I mentioned earlier. Back when I was dealing with intense depression, I felt very “locked in,” like my heart was locked away behind an iron wall. That was probably the most challenging chapter of my life.

Career-wise, it was this: I had written my book, Simply Celebrate: 101 Simple Ways to Turn Ordinary Days into an Extraordinary Life. I had written a book proposal that happily hooked in an agent for the book. A great publisher was “definitely interested” in the book and they put it into their system to be run by all the internal departments. I was sure this was “the big moment” when I got a publisher and everything would shift for me into a new career level.

Well, the publishing house’s marketing department said the market was flooded with this genre of book and so they turned it down. I was devastated. My agent wasn’t able to get anyone else interested. I nearly gave up on my book and my whole business at that point.

That sounds so disappointing. How did you find your motivation again after experiencing that set-back?

[Sherry]: The key was that I realized I never wanted my life to be in the decision-making hands of anyone or anything outside of me. I also didn’t want the joy of this book to be diminished by external reviews or judgments.

I let myself bask in the accomplishment of creating this book that I loved. Then, I self-published my book and felt an incredible sense of empowerment and joy.

If I wanted to publish I book, I could publish a book! This was a huge lesson for me in learning that I am the master of my own dreams.

Do you ever fantasize about having a totally different career? What would you do in your fantasy-world?

[Sherry]: Simply Celebrate is my fantasy career!

Although, for a time, I took a gig as a writer/editor for Nickelodeon’s parenting website and I got to travel to hotels, stay overnight with my son, and review them. That was a wonderful, fun job that brought me tons of joy. I also got to see all kinds of theater and live music with my son.

That job didn’t have the deeper meaning and connection that my “real” work has … but it sure was fantastic and helped me bond with my son. I feel so fortunate to have all those great adventures to remember.

Who are your personal heroes and role models?

[Sherry]: My Zen teacher, Cheri Huber is a tremendous role model for living a life full of joy, vitality, presence, compassion, love, and productivity. She’s written more than 20 books and leads retreats helping people turn their attention away from the voices of self-judgment and onto the life they want to live.

My other role models are all around me, everyday. People like you, Ellen, who are doing work they love and that serves the world, despite all the challenges. I’m lucky to be surrounded by people like you who are dedicated to living lives full of creativity and passion. Lives that are gifts to others.

My other role models are the strangers I collect on my Pinterest boards, “Aging Zestfully” and “It’s Never Too Late.” These are collections of photos and stories from folks over 70 who are living energized, vital lives and who are trying new things, even later in life. I am so inspired by people who don’t allow themselves to grow “old” as they age. I have so much work I want to bring into the world and I want to be doing it into my nineties!

Last but not least:

[Sherry]: What’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who wants to do amazing work in the world, stay motivated, and unlock major doors?

I believe there is nothing more valuable we can offer ourselves—and others—than to seek and create pinpricks of light in the world. What are those pinpricks or sparkles for you?

My best piece of advice is to keep asking yourself, “Right here, right now, in this moment, how am I living the life I long to live?” “If I’m not living it, can I do one small thing that enables me to step into that world?”

One more favorite piece of advice: “Life is fleeting. Don’t wait. Say it now.”

Say it now—and also do it now. Don’t wait for the “perfect moment” to take a step towards your dream life or career, or hug someone, or call a friend, or write a letter, or self-publish your book. The right moment is happening right now.

ELLEN FONDILER | UNLOCKED STORIES: Sherry Richert Belul

Unlock Yourself

Three questions to think about, write about—or talk about with a friend.

1. Sherry noticed that people often “save” beautiful words and feelings until somebody’s funeral. Then, after their loved one has passed away, they express all of their love. Her philosophy is: “Don’t wait. Say it now.”

Is there something important that you’ve been “postponing” for too long? Something you need to say? Or a step that you want to take to transform your life or career? What is it? Why do you think you’ve been “waiting”?

2. Sherry experienced a major set-back after a publisher decided not to publish her book. But she bounced back by taking matters into her own hands—by self-publishing instead! She says that self-publishing made her feel empowered again because the future of her book was no longer in somebody else’s hands.

Are you feeling disappointed about something that’s happening—or not happening—in your career right now? What is one thing that you could do to take back your power?

3. Sherry’s company, Simply Celebrate, is quite unconventional. But it’s her dream career and she’s making it happen!

Do you have a hobby, a passion, a type of writing, crafting or art that you love to do? Do you ever think about turning it into a business? What might that look like?


For more UNLOCKED interviews, click over here.

Know somebody that ought to be spotlighted? Write to me here.

See you next time for another inspiring conversation!

ELLEN_SIGNATURE

Ask Ellen: How Do I Negotiate A Higher Salary?

Dear Ellen,

I am in the midst of contract negotiation at my job. I have worked here for 25 years, with excellent reviews.

The salary offer made to me was quite low. I have some knowledge of other salaries and they are quite a bit higher than my offer, despite my credentials and longevity. I know it was just a low ball offer to see if I would bite.

How do I assert myself, feeling armed with the above knowledge that a certain salary is possible (Others have it). I work in a male dominated field, and I am not.

Thanks!

Wanting Fair Pay

Ellen Fondiler: Ask Ellen

Dear WFP,

You’re great at your job — but you’re not being offered a fair salary and you know you’re earning less than many of your male co-workers. Ick. Not a fun situation.

As a disclaimer, before diving into my advice, I want to encourage you to consult with a negotiation expert, an attorney, an HR expert, or all of the above. I am… none of those things.

Which means the advice that I’m about to give you is purely “what I would do in your situation,” not “expert legal advice.”

With that disclaimer out of the way… here’s my advice on how to proceed:

This definitely feels like a situation where you’ll want to keep your emotions in check. Stay calm and—when you’re ready to speak with your employer—rely heavily on “the facts.”

Can you prove that you ought to be earning more? What’s the average salary, nationwide, for someone in your position with your level of experience? If possible, collect some data to bolster your case. Then, as a last resort, mention the private info you’ve received from actual co-workers at your company.

When you’re ready, I’d recommend setting up a meeting with your employer to discuss the facts—calmly and politely, but with great strength.


You could say something like…

Thank you for putting together an initial offer for me to review.

I’d like to discuss the offer you made.

First, let’s discuss the salary you proposed.

You offered [NUMBER].

However, the nationwide average for someone in my position, with my level of experience, is [HIGHER NUMBER], which is considerably higher than what’s being offered here [point to their salary offer].

I’d like to bring my salary up to [HIGHER NUMBER]. Given my 25 years of service at this company and my track record here, I feel that’s fair.

Give your employer a chance to respond.


If your employer says something like, “Oh, that might be the average, nationwide, but we can’t match that salary here…” then you can respond by saying:

Based on private conversations with some of my colleagues here, I know that several of them are earning the exact same salary that I am requesting—or a salary that is higher.

Given my performance reviews here, my credentials and longevity at this company, I am curious as to why my salary offer would be lower than many of my peers. Could you share why?

Give your employer a chance to respond again.

Based on what they say next, you can decide how to proceed.

Hopefully, your employer will realize the error of his / her ways and agree to your new terms.


If your employer is unwilling to budge, or keeps insisting that the salary you want is not possible, I recommend closing your conversation (for now) by calmly expressing your disappointment.

I am sorry to hear that. 


I am not ready to sign off on this offer until we can come to an agreement of some kind.

Let’s take a few days and then meet again to discuss this further.

In the meantime, if you are able to come up with a new offer for me, feel free to email it to me. Thanks for speaking with me today.

I hope these “talking points” are helpful to you, WFP. I can’t imagine that this will be a “fun” conversation for you to have, but if you stay calm and steady, point out the facts, and hold firm, you can be proud of yourself no matter what the final outcome may be.

Last but not least: here’s a great article about some of your “employee rights.”

Turns out, you are completely allowed to discuss working conditions, including salary and benefits, with your co-workers. So if your employer says, “You’re not supposed to know what your peers are earning!” you can relax, knowing that—in fact—you are legally protected. If your co-workers are willing to share what they earn, that’s perfectly legal and in most instances, there’s nothing your employer can do about it. Good to know!

Good luck, WFP. You deserve to be paid fairly for your work.

Let me know how it goes!

Find great work. Do great work. Unlock every door in your way.

ELLEN_SIGNATURE


Image: Willie Franklin

UNLOCKED LINKS: January 2016


Once a month, I curate the best links on how to find work that you love, be excellent at what you do, and unlock any door that stands in your way. Mostly, I gather articles and podcasts that capture my attention because they make me think or laugh. Here is the first link round-up for 2016!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Ellen Fondiler | UNLOCKED Links: January 2016

• The microwave oven, safety glass, smoke detectors, artificial sweeteners and x-ray imaging all came about as the result of serendipity, as do over 50% of all patents. Which leads us to ask: do some people have a talent for serendipity or is it just dumb luck?

• The New York Time’s readers contributed a story and a photograph of someone close to them who died last year. Here are the moving tributes.

• Ready to make 2016 your best year yet? Here are 100 small but easy ways to make it happen. My favorite: “Listen before speaking”. I also really like “Invest in an awesome mattress”.

• While we are at it, what if we made goals that were more about loving what we have rather than chasing what we don’t (which is why a good mattress is key!). Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Jessica Alba went from a pretty girl in a bikini to the head of a billion dollar company. Her transition was not always an easy one, but her story is inspiring to anyone who is trying to build a business that makes a difference.

• I always thought that being an obituary writer would be such an interesting job. Turns out that dying, like living, is never easy. Here’s a behind the scenes peek at the obituary column for the New York Times.

• Looking for an Airbnb experience with a little extra luxury and TLC? Try onefinestay: the pioneers of handmade hospitality.

• Do you live in Portland, Oregon? On the first Saturday of every month, check out LETTERS & BRUNCH. Eat delicious food. Sip a mimosa. Write a few heartfelt letters. Leave full and happy.

• The kind of work we do often presents us with the Hobson’s choice of having a job that nourishes the soul versus one that nourishes the wallet. If given the choice, what would you choose?

• I love this Dani Shapiro piece On Mentors. “We need those who are able to remind us to become who we are.”

• The grass always looks greener. Working in Silicon Valley always seems like the nirvana so many people are striving for. But every story has two sides. Read: What’s Eating Silicon Valley?

• I don’t always love these best of lists but these 600 bright young entrepreneurs, talents and change agents are certainly an inspiration. The Forbes 30 Under 30 List (in 20 different categories).

• Need to learn the art of the pitch? Take a class on pitching yourself from Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank.

• “Simple acts of kindness can make someone’s day and possibly even cause a worldwide ripple effect.” Read Alex Franzen’s post on Daymakers – people who are changing the world simply by making people’s days.

Superintendent Tiffany Anderson is a daymaker.

• And check out these other Daymakers. The Turkish bride and groom who spent their wedding day feeding over 4000 refugees. Or the coffee shop that lets stray dogs sleep inside each night so they won’t be left in the cold. These are just two of 65 everyday people who have changed lives with their small acts of kindness.


Image: Willie Franklin.