I love giving advice.
So does my friend Alex.
We come from different generations and we’re at very different points in our lives and careers. But we share the same philosophy: every door can be unlocked.
Every once in a while, we partner up on a special installment of my advice column, Ask Ellen. It’s called… Ask Alex & Ellen.
Two hits of advice in one column.
We hope you enjoy it!
Dear Alex & Ellen,
At 48, I am full of great ideas, but I have hit a wall and I am struggling to complete any of them.
I sit each day on the computer (the distraction box, in my case) looking for, and submitting myself for, jobs. I have had one interview in eight months. This is very unlike anything I have experienced before. As an educator with my master’s degree in counseling, I have always had options.
It’s funny, I tell my college-age children that they have to make their own opportunities instead of waiting for someone to just offer them—and yet, I do not follow my own advice.
How can I stop wheel-spinning and follow through on my ideas?
Want To Finish Something
Alex says:
Dear WTSF,
After reading your question, my first thought was, “Wow, you sound like a very accomplished person!” You hold an advanced degree in a very difficult subject. You’ve raised kids and you’ve gotten them off to college. You’re an educator. You’ve taught classes. You’ve done all that, and yet, for whatever reason, in this chapter of your life, you feel stuck.
If we were sitting down for a cup of coffee, my first question for you would be:
“In the past, when you’ve been facing a big goal—like finishing your master’s degree—what helped you to do that? What were the ‘success strategies’ that you used back then? What helped you to stay organized? What helped you to stay motivated? How did you set up your day?”
You already know how to make big things happen. You’ve done it many times before.
It sounds like, maybe, you’ve just temporarily forgotten what “works” for you. I’d advise you to roll back in time and study your own history for clues about how you work best.
In addition to that, I recommend reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and Die Empty by Todd Henry, two powerful books that will urge you to move forward with your great ideas now—while you can, while you’re alive, before it’s too late. Die Empty made me sob on an airplane and re-evaluate my entire life. I hope it has a similar effect on you, and I mean that with the utmost love. Sometimes, we all need to be shaken awake! I keep a copy of Die Empty on my shelf near my computer and the title, alone, gives me a little “jolt” each morning. It’s a good thing.
Ellen says:
I have started many new jobs, businesses, and projects throughout my career and I have often found myself in the frustrating spot that you are currently are in. So many options! Lots of indecision! My best advice: just choose something.
Choose a project. Choose a direction. Choose a business card design or website layout or whatever. Don’t fret over whether your choice is the “perfect” choice. Just choose. Commit to a particular path, move forward for a while, and see what happens.
Once you’ve committed to a particular path or project, you’ll be surprised by the doors that open and the opportunities that surface for you. Things will become clearer once you’re in motion.
You also mentioned feeling distracted, some days. I can relate! One of my favorite systems for getting things done is called the 1-3-5 to-do list.
Here’s how it works: on any given day, I try to accomplish 1 big thing, 3 medium things, and 5 small things. It might look like this:
1 big thing: Edit workbook for new online course & send to Shauna for design phase
3 medium things: Email proposal to Susan, take a Pilates class, have dinner with Lexy
5 small things: Fold laundry, wash dishes, pay utility bill, get groceries for this weekend, respond to Alex’s email
Doing a 1-3-5 to-do list forces me to narrow down my daily objectives to just 9 items that I can realistically finish in a single day. It always helps me to focus and stay on track. Plus, I always feel so accomplished after finishing my 9 items!
Aside from trying out the 1-3-5 system, a great cure for overwhelm is to get yourself out of the house. Reach out to friends. Attend inspiring talks and concerts. Make time to exercise. Get a new haircut (I’m serious!) or redecorate your home. If your life is feeling stagnant, then start moving things around—literally. Get your daily life into motion, and pretty soon, all of that fresh energy and momentum will spill into your career as well.
Good luck, WTFS! We are cheering for you.
Alex & Ellen
Image: Willie Franklin.